if my mom read this blog

I am incredibly grateful that my mom is completely inept at anything that requires even a modicum of technological savvy. I called her on her cell phone once and the call eventually went to voicemail (which she doesn’t know how to access). I then tried my sister’s cell to see if my mom was with her. Sure enough, my mom was. And my mom told me that she missed my call because she can’t hear her phone. I told her that she could adjust the volume on her ringer so that the ringer is loud enough for her to hear. Her reply (in Spanish, of course): “Really? I didn’t know you could do that!”

Thankfully, my mom doesn’t read this blog. Can you imagine if she did? Among the many things she would be shocked to know, she would finally know that I’m not a virgin any more. And since she doesn’t read the blog, I have cleverly avoided telling her that cardiac-inducing news.

However, something about blogging makes me feel completely free to talk about anything with no inhibitions. So what you get is pure, unadulterated OC Girl. With Father’s Day coming up this weekend, I’ve had a lot on my mind. And the blog is my outlet. If my mom read my blog, I would post the following on Sunday:

Hi Mom!

There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a very long time. I’m sure it won’t be easy for you to hear (or read, I guess) because it’s going to make you emotional and maybe even a bit sad. And I know that it will bring up memories of dad that you would probably not want to think about this Father’s Day. But I have to tell you.

You’re the best dad a girl could ever have.

Every year in June, I can’t help but think about why I’ve never celebrated Father’s Day. When cancer took papá away, I was only 2 years old. I wish I could’ve remembered celebrating his day. I wish I could just remember him. But sadly, I don’t. As a kid, I felt his absence. I would see all the other kids in school, getting dropped off by their dads. When we had big projects in school, the other kids in school would talk about how their dads helped them. Meanwhile, YOU were dropping me off at school and YOU were helping me with my projects.

As I got older, I began to see things differently. First off, I was in awe of you. I’m still not quite sure how you raised 3 kids all by yourself. And considering you ended up with a teacher, a cop, and an activist (that’s me), it appears you did a pretty good job. Despite your personal struggles, you were always there for us no matter what. I knew I could count on you for anything, especially support.

You have always been my biggest cheerleader. You were there to comfort me every time I fell (which continues to be often). And you were there to comfort me every time someone hurt me or made me feel like I couldn’t do anything. You’ve always made me feel like I could conquer the world, that I could truly make a difference. I will always love you for that.

Occasionally, you guilt trip me for moving so far away. And I completely understand where you're coming from. But do you realize that I couldn’t have done it without you? There’s no way that I would’ve had the strength to move clear across the country, where I didn’t know anyone, if you hadn’t raised me. Where else would I have found a strong, independent woman to emulate? All I had to do was look to you.

And you know how you tease me for being so stubborn? For being a fighter? For standing up for what I believe in? For always following my heart? Yup. All because of you. You have no idea that you set a good example. I bet you had no idea that I witnessed all those times you fought for something you felt passionately about. And you wonder where I get it from…

Today, I look back on my life and you were a big part of almost every milestone. I may have been missing a father, but his absence was rarely felt. After all, my mom was SuperParent, two parents in one.

I know that we’re not as close as we used to be. But I love you now more than ever. And I want you to know that you are the best dad I could’ve ever had.

So, to the only father I’ve ever known…Happy Father’s Day, Mom!