what not to wear: baby edition

Although I am all the way on the other side of the country, I am very protective of my niece. Granted, she’s only two years old so my whole family is very protective of her. However, I would like to protect her from other more abstract things.

Such as evil. I would like to protect her from all the bad in the world. I want to keep her safe and secure. More than anything, I would want her to keep her innocence for as long as she can, believing that everyone in the world is good and that no one can be innately bad.

And doubt. I want her to be the most confident person. I wish that she forever realizes her own value and potential as a person, friend, sister, daughter, niece. I want her to always believe in herself and be sure that she can accomplish anything she wants to. (Basically, this means I need to protect her from her own mother, who likes to belittle her other daughters from a previous marriage especially in front of a large audience).

And of course, pain. I want her to never have her heart broken. Yes, I realize that this isn’t very realistic and it may actually be healthy for her to experience the occasional let down but it would break MY heart to see her in emotional pain. It’s possible that this wish may be a little on the selfish side.

And the horror of thinking, “oh my god, I can’t believe I wore that!” It is important to me that my niece is on the cutting edge of fashion. I realize that at this age, the only thing I can do is buy her cool stuff to wear.

So don’t ask me why I found myself on the Old Slave-y website yesterday. They’re having a sale on baby items and occasionally, they have cute t-shirts for babies that have sayings like, “future rock star” and “diva in-training.” And I want Serena to make a statement with her clothes. I took a little look-see around the website.

Imagine my horror when I found these:



Skinny Jeans for BABIES????

Are you serious? Granted, I haven’t seen these on a baby, but skinny jeans look best on skinny people and babies aren’t supposed to be skinny. Babies are supposed to be adorably chunky. They’re supposed to have chubby arms and chubby legs and adorably bulging knees that wobble when they try to walk. This is the only time in a person’s life when it is universally acceptable to have a Buddha belly and expect to show it off. In fact, if you ask my niece to show you her Buddha belly, she will happily/proudly lift up her shirt and show you her tummy (and she’ll throw in a giggle if you try to tickle the belly). She’s perfectly happy with her chubbiness.

What message are we trying to send our children? It’s never too early to start dieting? You’re only two years old but it’s time to burn off the baby fat?

You try telling this little diva to put down the animal crackers.