Dear Toxic Friend,
I'm done. Seriously. Actually, I've been done for quite some time but it's time to admit it to myself. True friendships are a two way street. Long ago, I realized that I was traveling in one direction with you.
You're so good at taking, taking, taking. And thinking that you were a better friend than you actually were, I gave, gave, gave. So, I'm done. I stopped trying. And I noticed that you stopped calling. You stopped asking to hang out. You stopped emailing too. Yes, it truly was a one-sided relationship.
It's unfortunate because there was a time when we were close. Inseparable, even. I knew every detail about your life and you knew mine. But that was long ago. And honestly, I don't think our friendship is worth saving.
I can't believe there were times when I didn't hear from you in a while and I called you in a panic, thinking something had happened to you. It's been 8 months since my last voicemail and the moment I decided to give up. Have you ever wondered if I was ok?
Jesse once asked me why I was friends with you. And I couldn't give him an answer. Every time I saw you, I ended up hurt, angry, frustrated, annoyed. In a horrible attempt at an excuse, I told Jesse, "Because our friendship wasn't always this way." But the truth is that it is this way now and has only gotten worse. Who wants a friend who makes you feel bad when I have people in my life who make me feel good?
I suppose this is my fault. After all, I was the one who expected from you the kind of friendship that I was willing to give. Perhaps it's my fault for expecting too much of you. Clearly, you did not see me as such a good friend otherwise you would've tried, as I've seen you try with your other friends.
Don't call (not like you do now). Don't email. Don't expect me to be nice to you the next time I run into you by chance. I'm too hurt by all this to be fake nice to you. And you know how much I hate being fake.
I don't know. Maybe you don't. Did you ever really know me at all? Maybe I imagined our closeness in my head and in my heart.
Adios, TF. May you get all that you deserve out of life.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Dear Toxic Friend,