Thursday, August 13, 2009

the truth about obamacare

I can't believe they totally figured us out. You all know who 'they' is. 'They' are the brave citizens showing up at the town hall meetings, screaming about how their America is being flushed down the toilet with the feces of socialism. I guess they're just too smart for the President and the rest of the Dems (Not those Blue Dogs though. They know what's up).

First off, these death panels. I mean, how did they figure those out from the text of the 1000+ page plan which I'm sure they read? Yes, Obama totally wants to knock off all of those who are a complete strain on our economy. It's all part of the stimulus, you see. Come on! Old people? Who wants 'em? Their eating up my (future) social security and they're increasing the cost of Medicare with all of those illnesses they keep getting! Sure, Medicare only makes up about 2% of the federal budget (far less than our defense spending or those wars we've been fighting), but that's 2% that can be going to something else. Like the cost of these death squads. They're going to be meeting on a regular basis, I hope. That way we can eliminate the old people as quickly as possible.

And you know what? Even Sarah Palin gets it right every once in a while. Trig better watch out! Children with disabilities are totally on that list. Nevermind that the Democrats are the ones responsible for getting them a special education and all back in the day. Well, we're taking it back! No cushy life for you, disabled kids!

One of my favorite parts of the plan is the mandate for free sex-change surgeries. I heart transgender people. In fact, more people should change their sex. Personally, I've always wanted to know what it was like to be a man (particularly, what it is like to earn a man's wage and using the world as a giant toilet). With Obamacare, you now have that chance!

Another one of my favorites is the mandate for school based clinics. What I like about this is that now we can force abortions upon pregnant teens. Come on! How convenient is that? The clinics can totally replace those day cares that some high schools have. Find yourself inconveniently pregnant at 16? Well, then ditch homeroom and head over to the school clinic. In about an hour, you'll be totally de-pregnified. I wish I had that at my conservative, Catholic high school. I totally would've had promiscuous sex back then!

Speaking of abortions, under Obamacare, they are totally free, paid for by tax payer dollars!  Isn't that awesome?  Despite never having been pregnant, I've always wanted to have one so I plan to take advantage of this benefit.  Nevermind the countless federal laws that prohibit public funding from being used to fund abortions.  Obamacare is totally going to take care of that.  He is, after all, the most pro-abortion president ever.

My favorite part of Obamacare is that you will no longer have to think about what medical procedures you need. The Obama-approved Health Choices commissioner is going to do that for you. Granted, we already have that now. They are commonly known as Kaiser and United and Blue Cross. You know them. They're the same people who denied you that mammogram because of your pre-existing condition (pre-existing condition = being female), remember? Under Obama's plan, only one person will be making those decisions for everyone. Which is great for me because I can be so indecisive sometimes.

And you all know how the economy is crap right now. Well, there's a cost savings measure in the plan too. Basically, any medical procedure costing more than $22000 will not be covered by Obamacare. That's simply too much money for one person. It doesn't matter if that $25000 surgery will save your life. It's still too much money for government rationed health care. What? You think the government is made of money?

Personally, I'm all for this plan. There will be far less annoying old people in the world and abortions for everyone! What a perfect world.

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*SIGH* I guess I can take my tongue out of my cheek now. How ridiculous does this post sound? Well, that's what conservatives think about Obama's plan for health care reform. The hilarious thing is that people are eating the lies that the insurance industry is feeding them and screaming it back to their representatives at these town halls.

So, you can be a sheep for the insurance industry and fight for the status quo which leaves 1/3 of the US population without health insurance, OR you can make up your own mind by doing the research. In fact, I've started the search for you. Here are some non-partisan sites that are dissecting the many health care reform plans that are out there:

politifact.com
factcheck.org
ABC News
AARP

Personally, I think politifact.com is awesome and comprehensive and it has even won a Pulitzer.

7 comments:

media concepts said...

The phony "protests" have jumped so far over the shark, the squid, and the whale that joking about them seems irrelevant. However, I'm not mad at Rush, Fox News or anyone else in the GOP. They're doing exactly what we should have expected. Incredibly, the White House and Democratic leaders in Congress, who have plenty of media access, have completely dropped the ball and are being utterly defeated by the other side in both the air war and the ground war.

It's pretty ridiculous, 16 years after the Clinton health care fiasco and all the ruthless, phony attacks by Republicans since then, for Democratic leaders (including, apparently, Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel, who was in the White House in 1993 and should know better) still to be playing the game of "I say, old chap, you're being less than sporting, and I must protest." If they can't learn to go on offense in a ruthless manner now, they don't deserve any legislative victories and they probably won't get them.

anOCgirl said...

media concepts: my joking = my coping mechanism. it's this or i get super pissed at the Dems for ruining health care reform again.

also, this all just proves to me how bi-partisanship is for suckers.

Bilbo said...

If you haven't read my post from this morning, you may want to. I'm really sick of the shouting and absurd comments being tossed around over a very serious issue. I disagree with you in one point, though: I don't think bipartisanship is for suckers. It's for people brave and intelligent enough to do their own thinking and look past the shouting and the slogans to find real common ground on which we can all move forward. But then, I believe in Santa Claus, too.

Nickie Goomba said...

Great post. And, yes, bipartisanship seems to me for suckers (and victims).

Keep up the good writing.

Juliet said...

"I don't think bipartisanship is for suckers. It's for people brave and intelligent enough to do their own thinking and look past the shouting and the slogans to find real common ground on which we can all move forward."

I totally agree with you, Bilbo. Most of us, in our jobs and our personal lives, have to make decisions and solve problems with people who don't share all our beliefs and values. Yet we can't expect as much of our politicians? I would consider myself a sucker and a victim if I had such low standards. But I don't, and I vote.

anOCgirl said...

bilbo, nickie, and juliet: bipartisanship has gotten the president no where. in fact, in his attempts to make concessions to please the GOP, Obama has received nothing in return. actually, that's not true. Obama has received the scorn and contempt of the GOP party (with the added bonus of conservatives calling Obama a socialist, hitler, muslim, un-american, etc). he's done more to please the gop since he became president than W did to please dems in 8 years. if i recall correctly, it was W's way (which was really Cheney's way) or the highway.

i'll admit, i was just on vacation so i'm not on top of my news as i usually am. while i was gone, i heard something about how the dems were considering dumping the public option to make the GOP happy. seriously? that's a big part of the HCR plan. without it, how do we expect insurance companies to lower their costs? without it, what's the point of HCR?

Juliet said...

Oh, trust me, I'm not an apologist for the GOP in this instance. I just think that in general the ability to compromise and work with other people is a good thing. And to prove my point: the Democrats safely control both chambers of Congress as well as the White House. I don't think it's the GOP the Democrats have to make happy, because they have the votes to pass HCR without them--if they can work together within their own party, never mind what the GOP's up to. It seems pretty obvious to me that Obama isn't dropping the public option (just) to please the GOP, but to appease the blue dogs. So who are you going to hold accountable? I loathe the crazies putting Hitler mustaches on Obama, but they're not the reason HCR isn't passing. It's easy to cope by joking about the other side, but getting pissed at the Democrats--and letting them know you're pissed--would probably be more effective.