Sunday, February 21, 2010

this is me now

I look at myself in the mirror and I barely recognize myself.  Blood shot eyes due to an eye infection I've been battling since the holidays.  25 pounds lighter with a different body.  At least the cat hair on my clothes is familiar.

It's been a long time since I posted and, really, no one reads this blog any more.  And as trite as this sounds, the reason why I haven't blogged is because I've been so busy. 

My job has taken over my life.  I have NEVER before been so successful at anything and it turns out I kick ass at my job.  And I love it. 

What do I do?  I launched an addiction treatment and HIV prevention program in 2009.  Substance abuse and HIV risk go hand and hand so a program that addresses both seemed to make a lot of sense.  Within a year, the program has become more successful than I could ever have hoped for.  Drug use is down, HIV risk behavior is down, stability in housing and employment have gone up.  It really is a dream come true.

But it's challenging.  The emotional investment takes its toll after a while.  And the program is in high demand.  The program is currently at maximum capacity and I'm working on ways to expand and offer more services because I don't have the heart to turn anyone away.   And that takes some work and perseverence.

Despite the warnings from my friend Annie, my job has taken over my life.  I've lost contact with friends.  I only talk to my mom once a week (used to be every day).  And my 5+ year relationship has been...well...not the same.  And while my professional life makes me very happy (yet tired), I am not satisfied with how the rest of my life is going. 

So I'm back because I need an outlet.  A change.  I need to do something for me.  I used to have fun blogging and even more fun making friends through the blog.  Whatevs, I'm going to give this a shot and see where it takes me.   

And if you're still reading this, maybe you'd like to join me on this journey.   



aneo said...

Salutations, Congratulations, and Commiserations. You're still in my RSS feed :)

The work you are doing is amazing; so fantastic to hear of its success! Personal experience sayz don't be afraid of a relationship counselor for those talks you worry are lurking unspoken. There is a balance out there: it just takes a different world view (sideways helps...).

Welcome back!

Jilian said...

Yep - I sometimes let my job take over and the hubby hates it. Finding balance in life is difficult.

My goal for 2010 is to be in control of my life rather than the other way around.... I haven't quite figured it out yet :)

lala said...

So glad you're back...I've been waiting for your name to appear in my google reader feed. I'm certain I'm not the only who has missed you.

And, I already knew you kicked ass at your job. :)

Gina said...

I also was wondering what happened to you. I'm glad you decided to come back. I enjoy reading your posts.

Æsop said...

Fight On, Baby!

No one said it would be easy, but we all know it's important.

- Æ

bittersweetwords said...

Hello!! You're back!! I've been wondering where you've been I've been waiting for a post to pop up in my google reader (or perhaps even a tweet). I'm glad you're alive and well. :)

Congratulations on your amazing achievements at work. You are doing an amazing thing, and your dedication is admirable. I'm sure you will find a balance between both personal and professional, as well as figuring out the work situation. Your success and perseverance has proved that you will.

Glad to have you back!! :)

an orange county girl said...

aneo: my new goal in therapy is to find that balance. i keep telling my shrink that "i can't, i can't" and perhaps that attitude isn't helping much. the bf's coming around to realizing how important my job is to me and we're working on the relationship step by step. *hugs* thanks for keeping me in your feed reader!

jilian: hey, i like that goal! i may have to adopt it. maybe we can figure out the control thing together! thanks for commenting.

lala: awww...thanks for the many compliments and for keeping me in your reader.

gina: thanks! hope not to disappoint with my future posts :)

aesop: well, i've always loved a challenge. it may not be easy but i so love the work i do.

bittersweetwords: thanks, chica! so happy you kept me in your reader. and thanks for that comment a while back checking up on me. that is so sweet of you!

Zipcode said...

I check this blog all the time to see if you have updated it!!!

Ya know I am here for ya!

H to the izzo said...

I couldn't comment fast enough because no one should feel like their life is one sided and without readers and supporters on their blog! I read you on my bloglines, so whenever you update, it automatically tells me. We still read you (I say we, because I'm pretty sure instatick (Terra) reads you too bc she has suggested we should road trip up 95 to meet you some day).
I'm proud that your job is so successful, but understand that you need life balance, and I wish you the best in helping to find it. Please blog about it. Perhaps you'll give us some tips along the way.

an orange county girl said...

zip: thanks! i appreciate the support!

hizzo: road trip! i would love to meet up. i remember her mentioning it. we should def. plan.

this whole work/life balance thing is a huge part of my therapy now so you know i'm going to blog about it :)

art*&*design said...

Glad to see you back. I follow your blog and have been checking in.... wondering.

Sometimes one part of life gets ahead of another. The work you are doing is worthwhile--and you enjoy it. Everything else will balance out if you trust in yourself . I know that from experience.

Linda from NJ

instatick said...

I am SO SO SO excited to see you back! As Hizzo mentioned you have missed! I'm thrilled to see you back and excited at the prospect of getting to read about your next adventures. You are absolutely amazing and, based on the importance of your work and impact it has, I understand how it could take you over. Here's to better balance!

an orange county girl said...

NJ Linda--thank you for the advice. i'm having trouble with the trusting myself part but I hope to figure that out soon.

instatick--thank you, thank you, thank you! you're makiing me blush with all of those compliments. looking forward to catching up on your blog...