i've been a bad, bad girl

Last night was probably one of the top two Monday nights in my life (the other one being that Monday night in SF with all the drinking). Totally sober, Jesse and I went to see Fiona Apple at Wolf Trap. First of all, you peeps know my general reluctance to praise anything in NoVA. But wow. Wolf Trap was cool (Jesse, I told you I'd do the shout out in the blog). I had never been before Monday and I thought the venue was great. Sure it was super hot and muggy. And I had to drench myself in bug repellent before we got there. But it was all woodsy and pretty and not that big. One complaint--You can't use cameras there. So, unfortunately, I can't provide images with my report. I can, however, provide a YouTube video which will give you an indication of what the concert was like.

Fiona Apple

Yeah, that's pretty much a good indication of what Fiona did last night. Lots of random dancing and frantic movements. There were times that she was just yelling stuff away from the microphone and her band made it impossible to understand what she was saying. But she's an artist, so she's allowed to be weird. The best part of the night was when she addressed the crowd towards the end. She apologized for making us come out in the heat. Somehow this statement was related to her dress which she said she was wearing for the first time. Her dress was a cobalt blue rayon or matte jersey long strapless dress that was very flowy. She said, "I look like an inkblot." (She should know, she's a little insane.) The crowd laughs and then she says matter-of-factly, "I don't wanna know what I mean." A little psychology humor for ya.

She sang a good mix of old and new, with a slight majority of her songs coming from the "When the Pawn..." album. The third song she sang was Shadowboxer. The emotion and power with which she sang it just gave me goosebumps. I nearly cried, it was so beautiful. She performed some crowd favorites--Limp, Paper Bag, Fast as You Can. She wrapped up the show's encore with Criminal, which brought the entire crowd to its feet. Even Jesse was subtly head-bopping with the music.

In two years, this was our first concert together. It was a very cathartic experience for me. In the past, I used Fiona's music as the soundtrack to my love life. Every time a boy hurt me or pissed me off, Fiona would get played loudly and on repeat ('Sing it sista! I hear ya!'). As she sang last night, I thought often of the heartbreak I've felt in the past, of all the boys who've caused it. I'd hear a song (like Sleep to Dream) and remember how I used to relate to it, how it'd console me when I was down or soothe me when I was angry. And then I'd look to my left. I'd hold Jesse's hand and think, I'm sharing this with a boy who makes me very happy every day and every night. I realized then that I am no longer in that place. It's in the past and I've moved on.

It's as if the ghosts of past heartbreak went away. They won't be able to haunt me anymore. I'm happier now than I've ever been.