Things you should know before you visit the nation’s capital
As a city regular, I know that we’ve all been frustrated at some point with the tourists. It really is ok to admit it. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. BEHOLD my effort to train tourists on how we would prefer them to be. I have created a DC fact sheet for you to pass on to anyone you know who is planning on visiting our city. These are just some random tips in no particular order and should be considered an addendum to any published DC tourist guide.
- When traveling in DC using Metro, please do not use the Metro until after 9:30 a.m. Monday through Friday as a courtesy to those of us who are trying to get to work in a timely fashion.
- There are other Metro stations besides Smithsonian station that you can get off at and explore the Mall—to name a few Federal Triangle, Archives-Navy Memorial, Union Station.
- Please be advised that wearing the same color t-shirt as others in your tour group will elicit ridicule from passers-by.
- Leave the fanny packs at home. We in DC like to maintain a reasonable level of style and a cute canvas tote (monogrammed with your initials, preferably) would meet your needs in a fashionable way.
- Please educate yourself about the wonders of the City before you speak. For example, it is not appropriate to tell your 10-year-old son, “Hey that’s where the president lives” in front of the Capitol Building.
- Tour groups—please skip our shopping malls. Trust me, we have the same Gaps and American Eagles you do in your home towns.
- Before using Metro, please pick up a Metrorail map and plan your route ahead of time, that way we can read our Express papers and listen to our Ipods in peace.
- Do not eat or drink on Metro. Although it is illegal, chances are you won’t get caught. However, we prefer not to have to move your garbage over when claiming a seat.
- Bring enough clothes for your trip and save the souvenir t-shirts for home. When you wear your “FBI”, “CIA”, or “I heart DC” t-shirts proudly in DC, you are immediately identified as a tourist. And trust me, that’s not good.
- Please be advised that the City itself is not very kid friendly. If you let your kids behave without proper decorum, don’t be surprised when a random stranger disciplines your kids for you.
- If you are too lazy to walk on the Metro escalators, stand to your right. It is in your best interest to do so. Otherwise, you risk the power of the wrath of the dozens of people behind you who aren’t lazy and have somewhere to be.
- Before you start clutching your purses and holding them close to you while in the City, you should know that DC is not the crime capital it used to be. But if you’re not used to urban living, stay away from the non-Capitol-Hill parts of NE and SE.
- If you decide to drive to the City and park here, do not be surprised by the sudden appearance of multiple dents and scratches.
- Be constantly aware of the people around you. Keep in mind that your presence is a nuisance and please behave appropriately to alleviate said nuisance.
- Thank you for visiting and bringing revenue to our nation’s capital.
10 comments:
Like we need their tourist dollars. Their tax receipts air-condition our subway.
Speaking of fanny packs...I saw a guy wearing one with Disney characters on it. I took a picture of him with my camera phone as proof of his inanity. Damn tourists. There were no kids with him, either.
I'd suggest that tourists choosing to drive in town should avoid the traffic circles at all cost. Heaven knows that they're bound to get in the wrong lane and circle around and around. They'll keep getting blocked from exiting on to the street of their choice by swerving taxis and people who know the correct lanes to use to effectively enter and exit the circle.
anon--personally, I prefer my Metro with AC
Melissa--there is no excuse for a fanny pack with Disney stuff on it, especially one worn by a man. Ugh. I can picture it now.
Terry--so true. I totally neglected our confusing traffic circles. I'm sure it made sense to L'Enfant.
Will someone PLEASE tell Metro to post your rules?
BTW - "stand to the right on escalator" is way to far down the list, it should be #1.
I live at Woodley Park (Zoo) and get ALL of the tourists, and their children happily and obliviously body blocking me on my mad dash to the office....
With all due respect, your comment about tourists clutching their possessions securely to their person is not a bad idea, and residents should also do the same. Besides, the most crimes on the Metro in 2005 occurred at Metro Center, most likely because of oblivious tourists and girls with huge purses. I was assaulted at 10 am in Capitol Hill as I was crossing East Capitol and 7th. Those that need to watch out are the "locals" that jog alone at 10:30pm with their iPods on full blast. Having a false sense of security is dangerous.
It cracks me up anytime I'm on the Mall and I see someone wearing an “I love DC” t-shirt and a fanny pack. These people really should be careful, they might as well be wearing a target on their chest. DC tourists definitely could use your help!
Great post! Thank you for giving tourists a few guidelines to use when visiting our fine city. Keep on bloggin OC girl.
Please, please send this to the tourist bureau. Better yet we should get up a collection to make filers that could be passed out at tourist information.
jdelaney--I hear ya, dude. I used to live near Union Station and I missed getting on a train simply because large tourist groups wouldn't let me by.
anon--I'm sorry you were assaulted. I agree with you and stand corrected.
Jesse--I love you.
tallcat--I appreciate your suggestion. Let me know how you want to coordinate that collection. I've got a hook up at Kinko's.
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