i really do hate being a girl sometimes

Occasionally (once a month usually), I envy boys. Guys really do have it easy. First off, the world is their urinal. Sometimes I wish, that if it were truly necessary, I can pee just about anywhere. I suppose that’s technically possible now, but it’s impossible to do so and not get stuff on you.

Secondly, we have boobs (actually, some boys have boobs too, but that’s a whole other post). If you’re like me, you have D’s that are always in the way. I hate that I can’t wear a button down shirt without a camisole underneath. Why? Because I can’t button the buttons at the boobs. It seriously cuts down on my work outfit possibilities. Additionally, it forces me to shell out even more money for clothes because I need to buy a camisole whenever I buy a shirt. I guess I could wear a minimizer bra, but I’ve never seen one that was fashionable and visually appealing (after all, I have a boyfriend to please).

Another thing about boobs—I hate that they bounce when I move. This morning, as I was walking towards the office, I caught a glimpse of myself in the glass door and thought, Wow, they’re especially jiggly today. The bounciness is definitely a problem at the gym. First of all, they need to be positioned correctly in the sports bra in order to keep movement to a minimum. Secondly, that is still no guarantee of non-movement, especially on the elliptical. Fortunately for them, boys don’t have to worry about this.

No dressy woman’s outfit is complete without heels. Why is it that the sexiest shoe known to man (the stiletto) is also the most painful (clearly a man must’ve designed them)? Sure we could wear flats to work. But wouldn’t you agree that a heeled shoe looks best with skirts and trousers? Meanwhile, men get to walk around in flats every single day of the year. So not fair.

Sometimes I wish I could look good bald. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about styling my hair on days like this. All guys have to do is wash their hair and maybe run some product through it. Styling time: approximately 15 seconds (unless you’re Jesse and beautifully hairless so that your styling time would be zero). Girls have to wash their hair, apply volumizer, blow dry, style, and apply product to hold. Styling time: 20-30 minutes (depending on whether or not a flat iron is used).

Sure, being a boy can suck too (especially if you’re a boy with manboobs), but this is my pity party and boys aren’t allowed. Only girls can understand what I’m feeling right now. Besides, a girl wouldn’t accuse me of being hormonal (or PMS-ing) right now like a boy would.

On second thought, I don’t want to be a boy.