MY BOYFRIEND IS LEAVING ME

separation anxiety
Function: noun
: a form of anxiety usually experienced by a young child and caused by separation from a significant nurturing figure and typically a parent or from familiar surroundings

Yesterday, I found out my boyfriend is leaving me…for a week. He’s going to Denver for work and it will be the first time that he leaves me all by myself (and alone and lonely) in the Ballston condo for an extended period of time. Since moving in together, we’ve been apart only once—my extended weekend trip to Cali back in May. Needless to say, I’m not looking forward to experiencing distance between us.

Jesse called me yesterday as I was swamped at work and dropped the bomb. “Guess what?” he whispers (he didn’t want his cubicle neighbors to overhear the conversation). “What?” I whisper back (because he’s whispering). “I’m going to Denver next week.” My heart drops. “No, please don’t go” is my immediate verbal response. In a soothing tone, Jesse says, “It’s ok. I’ll be back.” Yes, I’d hope so. Still, I continue to feel…panicky.

I’ve never done well with separation. Being the youngest in the family, I was constantly at my mom’s side when I was little. When I went off to kindergarten, I just couldn’t bear to see my mom leave me. I didn’t want to be in school all by myself (I’m a wuss, what can I say?). I didn’t understand why my mom couldn’t stay. I cried for most of the first day, especially because the teacher, a nun from hell, kept antagonizing me. Sister Maria mocked me for crying in front of the whole class. Needless to say, that upset me even more.

The next day, my mom volunteered to become a teacher’s aide. I stopped crying (unless I fell and hurt myself which was often). That probably wasn’t the best way to help me deal with the separation but the results weren’t too bad. Thanks to me, my mom discovered a new vocational calling. She continues to work as a teacher’s aide for an elementary school back home (not mine, thank God, with it’s evil nuns).

Back to present day, my heart sinks a little every day when Jesse leaves me to go to work. But now I’m just super anxious with his leaving for a few days. Jesse always has problems with his ears when he flies (the ears don’t like the changes in elevation). What if the mile high city gives him problems? What if he’s bored and can’t find anything to do? What if we keep missing each other’s calls and can’t talk to each other while he’s away? How in the world am I going to sleep without him by my side? Who's gonna cuddle with me at night (I guess Manny the stuffed animal manatee could sub for Jesse but it won't be the same)?

The condo is going to feel so empty without him. I'm gonna miss his hugs and kisses. Who am I going to make dinner for? What am I going to do without him asking me what he should wear to work? Who’s going to be patient enough to listen to my whining? Ugh…I don’t want to be without the boo. I don’t think I can make it.

Maybe I can go with him.