fun, frisky felines: "the bf's back and you're gonna be in trouble"

Jesse's been gone all week and, frankly, the week has been pretty difficult, emotionally (can you believe I didn't blog about it until now?). It has been a while since he last travelled for work and I was so used to having him around all the time. And then he just leaves and...you know me and my separation anxiety.

Nicky, who also suffers from anxiety (no really, he does. I have the kitty prozac prescription to prove it), apparently picked up on mine and was a total scaredy cat this week. There has been a lot of remodeling going on in my building this week, which triggered the fire alarm our second night without Jesse. While Gracie happily waited to be placed in her carrier for the evacuation, Nicky REFUSED to come out from under the bed and gave me a panic attack.

I never left the condo that night. Lucky for us, there wasn't a fire.

Still, Nicky and I coped together. Nicky slept on Jesse's half of the bed every day and when Nicky wasn't waking me up in the a.m. with his kisses, I would wake up and catch him resting his little head on Jesse's pillow. Even Gracie joined in on the bedtime bonding, which is rare. She likes to sleep in the bathroom sink.

Anyhoo...I can't wait for Jesse to come home so I can feel complete. *sigh*

OH WAIT! This blog post is supposed to be about kitties.

Here you go:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures


This is what will happen when I pick up Jesse from the airport today.

I wish you all a love-filled weekend!


Today's blog post title is brought to you by the song, My Boyfriend's Back by the Angels

california blogging: snow in the desert, snowy cacti and palm trees included

Perhaps you may have heard that there was snow in Vegas over the holidays. It does happen. The last time I went to Vegas, we were driving down the 15 and there were small piles of snow on the side of the road. When most people think of the desert, they think of heat. But really, the desert is all about extremes. Temperatures can drop at night and when you get lots of precipitation (like what southern California received the week I was home), you get snow. Even in the desert.

Having never seen the California desert, Jesse wanted to go. And I like to show him something new every time we visit California. And because he's into National Parks, we set out to visit Joshua Tree National Park. It's right smack in the middle of the desert, surrounded by mountain ranges, and full of Joshua Trees. And the snow made it even more awesome!

Hard to believe this is the desert, huh?


That thing standing on the right is a Joshua Tree (Jesse's on the left)


While Joshua Tree had mammoth, regular looking mountains, it also had these types of "mountains" that looked like large piles of huge boulders.


Snow, snow EVERYWHERE


Here's a cactus in the snow (in case you don't believe we were in the desert)


This is the view from Keys View, one of the highest points in Joshua Tree


This was taken in the Cholla Cactus Garden, which was snow free, but the mountain range behind it wasn't.


Here's Jesse attempting to 'eat' a Cholla.


We checked out Cottonwood Springs, which was supposed to be the oasis in the desert. While we didn't find the water, we did find quite a tropical atmosphere...


Which was kinda marred by all the snow


Jesse and I both fell in love with Joshua Tree, actually. Not sure if it would be as pretty without all the snow.


The whole lot of photos can be found here, if you're interested.

And on that note, Happy New Year, blog peeps! I'll be back on Friday with the first post of the new year, FUN, FRISKY FELINES!

I have this strange feeling 2009 could be awesome! Let's all hope so.

is your boyfriend going to propose over the holidays? well, The Knot knows, of course!

I'm not going to lie. I've got proposals on the brain...well, that is whenever I'm not freaking out about all the work I have to get done before I go on vacay (honestly, that means I don't have much time to be daydreaming about proposals).

So when I read this article from The Knot about proposals (through another blog I read. I swear I've never been to theknot.com), I had to check it out. Just out of curiosity, of course. And for blogging research purposes.

I swear.

Anyhoo, according to The Knot, these are the 7 tell-tale signs your boo is going to propose.

1. He's Growing out of His Bachelor Ways
Hmmm...I don't remember Jesse ever being a hanging-out-with-the-boys-neglecting-my-girls'-needs kind of guy. In fact, I think he's found a perfect balance between spending time with me and hanging out with friends. I feel more than comfortable with his hanging out with the boys, as long as some skanky chick doesn't come over and flirt with him (but that has nothing to do with his friends). So...umm...FAIL.

2. He's Redecorating
According to The Knot, this means that your man has gotten rid of those "college posters and Star Wars memorabilia." The only things Jesse is crazy about collecting is sports-related memorabilia and seeing as that I love sports too, I certainly don't want him to toss those out. Also, we decorated the condo together. Again, FAIL.

3. He's Curbing Big Purchases
The Knot asks, Has your boyfriend gone from big spender to scrooge? Umm...no. Jesse's always been responsible with his finances so he's never been a big spender. FAIL.

4. He's Not Complaining About Weddings
This is a direct quote: While at a wedding together, it's more than just the usual eagerness for an open bar. He's not cracking jokes during the vow exchange — he's commenting on the couple's first-dance song choice and the meal selection. Take it as a sign that he's paying attention to all things wedding-related because matrimony is on his mind.

Ummm...the eagerness for an open bar at a wedding never goes away. And who jokes about the vows? FAIL.

5. He's Taken an Interest in Your Jewelry
Jesse has given me all of my major jewelry acquisitions from the last four years. He already knows what I like (it starts with a T and ends in a Y and comes in a pretty blue box). FAIL.

6. He Wants to Meet the Parents
Been there, done that within a year of dating. FAIL.

7. He's Acting out of Character
If anything, he has gotten cuddlier in the last couple of weeks but then again my stress level has increased in the past couple of weeks so I think the increased cuddling is due to my increase in stress (cuddling and other things related to cuddling that sometimes follow the cuddling are excellent stress relievers). So FAIL.

Ok, so The Knot has failed, big time. Either that or I'm just weird, which is highly likely.

But then again, would I trust a website to predict whether my boyfriend is going to propose?

*******

I may or may not have taken a trip to Tiffany with Jesse on Saturday. Rings may or may not have been perused. I cannot confirm nor deny at this time whether rings were tried on.

*******

Yes, the blog post title is sarcastic.

the daddy issues in my relationship

My boyfriend/KittyDaddy was at the doctor's recently and the doctor suspected something wrong might be going on with his heart so he was referred to a cardiologist. After several tests, the cardiologist deemed that Jesse was a-ok.

However, on the day of his lastest test, I was stressing out. That test was the most vigorous and the most telling. Being the pessimist that I am, I suspected Jesse might be headed for a pre-mature death and I was terrified. I love him so much and I don't know what I would do without him and I haven't given much thought to how I would function should something awful happen. I can't NOT have him in my life.

I've been feeling so happy and satisfied with my life lately that I'm expecting my world to come crashing down any second Why enjoy the happiness when there is impending doom?

The good stuff can't really last, can it? I'm sure my mom had no idea that her husband/my dad would end up getting cancer and dying before my third birthday. From what I know of that time (before the big C), everything was perfect in my mom's life--she had a husband she adored who was a loving father to two (with me on the way) smart kids with a roof over her head and food on the table. And then one day, my father, who had never smoked a day in his life, suddenly gets lung cancer and passes away within three years of his diagnosis, leaving my mom as a widow and a single mom to three kids.

I get a lump in my throat just typing this.

The thing is, three years prior to my dad's passing, my mom had no idea that her perfect life would suddenly take a turn for the worst possible scenario. Nearly 30 years later, my mom has moved on but she still has her moments. To this day, I know she still wonders what could've been of her life had my father hadn't passed (heck, I wonder that too).

So I've been thinking a lot about my dad lately as Jesse goes through these tests (he's ok, so far). In the interim, we've decided to start living healthier lives by eating better, snacking less, and exercising more. I hope to have a long, happy life with him but you can never be sure about these things.

As Jesse and I continue to talk about marriage and spending the rest of our lives together, I can't help but wonder when will the good times stop? I can't possibly be this lucky to have the perfect boyfriend, great friends, a loving family, the most satisfying job, and two perfect kitties (actually, Gracie's not perfect, now that I think about it).

I find myself so absolutely afraid of losing it all that I can't always enjoy how happy it makes me now.

pigs can fly now, hell has frozen over, and the sky is falling!

The world is coming to an end on Sunday. Well, my world anyways. Jesse and I have been asked to go to Church. And we've decided to go.

This is particularly momentous for me because...well...I don't do Church any more. I only go when I'm home and my mom wants me to. The one time in recent memory where I tried to put my foot down and not go to Church because I feel like a hypocrit when I'm there, my mom flipped out and started this enormously unncessary family quarrel which did not end well.

Jesse's never been a fan of Church either for different reasons. I think he's just bored at Church. Me? Well, I'm idealogically opposed to a lot of what the Church preaches now (I'm all for 'doing onto others...' and helping those less fortunate, but not the anti-gay, anti-condom crap). But I continue to hold out hope for the Church. When the Catholic Church decides to evolve into the 21st century with practical teachings that apply to life today, then I'll happily go back.

We're going to Church because Jesse's parents have been asking us to join them for quite a few months now and because there's something *special* going on this Sunday (whatever that means. Jesse never presses his parents for the details. I'm nosy enough to ask for all pertaining information. I need to train him on that). The potential in-laws were very religious when Jesse was younger but became lapsed Baptists after that. Nearly a year ago, they started going to this Baptist Church in PG County (that's Maryland for you Cali folks) and feel especially inspired by the pastor there. Ever since then, they've been trying to get us to go.

Jesse went once without me. It was his mom's birthday and he went to Church to make her happy. I can certainly understand his rationale.

Part of me kinda wants to throw a tantrum and refuse to go. I've been feeling very anti-religion since the passage of Prop 8 in California. Another part of me knows it would be good to go and make a good impression on the potential in-laws (not that they don't like me already, but it never hurts to earn brownie points). Jesse wants to go because he knows it would make his parents happy. But is it worth going to Church if we're going for the wrong reasons? Going to Church to make others happy is not a good reason to go.

But we'll still go.

And hopefully, I won't burst into flames when my heathen self steps into the House of God.

well at least it's all over now

Last week, my family came to DC and left to go back to Cali on Saturday.  I feel as though I held my breath for 5 days straight and finally exhaled the minute we dropped them off at National Airport (and no, I will not call it 'Reagan'). 

I've got pictures to share as soon as I have the energy to connect my camera to my laptop (the energy is needed in finding the cord that connects the two).  But I know that at least two of you are dying to know what happened when Jesse's family met mine. 

After sightseeing earlier in the day, we all set out for Jesse's parents house in Clifton for a meal of hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill (yes, there were kids involved) and crabs from the Waterfront.  We actually made it out to DC's Waterfront earlier in the day to get freshly steamed-alive Maryland blue crabs (poor things...so yummy, yet their death is so cruel).  We were afraid of spoilage so as we went to the Air and Space Museum Annex (yawn!), the crabs hung out in the fridge.  When we got back, Jesse decided to re-steam the crabs and I was put in charge of the grill.

Having never grilled anything in my life (although I have hungrily observed grilling many times), I wasn't entirely sure what to do, but I figured that making patties and throwing them on the grill should be easy enough.  My mom, knowing that I had never grilled before, wanted to help but I was just fine despite her insistence.  Pretty soon, Jesse's mom and sis arrived (with niece and nephew in tow) and all were introduced to my mom and sis.  As we prepared the meal in the kitchen, Jesse's peeps and my peeps talked a lot (well, my sister did most of the talking as she usually does).  It seemed that everyone was getting along splendidly.

Terror didn't strike my heart until Jesse's dad came and was left unsupervised.  He's known for weaving quite the tall tales--or rather, his stories start off in truth and somehow, when a detail is forgotten, dramatically swerves towards the fiction until the ending becomes embellished to the point of the nonsensical.  And so, he weaved his tall tales to my mom and sis, who were all hearing his stories for the first time. 

I already knew to take his stories with a grain of salt.  Yes, Jesse's dad is a very entertaining story-teller, but he does seem to require a suspension of disbelief if you know all of the parties involved in the story.  So when Jesse started targeting Jesse with his tales and embarrassing him, it was all downhill from there.  Jesse's dad even had the gumption to reveal something very personal about Jesse (something only me and his family knows about...and no, I am not revealing it here as some of Jesse's friends read this blog) which at the time reflected negatively on him.  The problem is that my family didn't know anything about this 'secret' and its revelation kinda brought the good natured conversation to an incredibly awkward halt.   What's worse is that no time frame was given as to when this 'secret' occurred (a long time ago) so for all I know, my family thinks this is a recent event and, knowing the secret now, may think somewhat negatively of Jesse because of it.

Yeah, I get that families do that--embarrass people in front of others.  I know because my sister did that during the "Welcome to DC" happy hour I planed for them on Tuesday.  But the revelation of the secret was bad.  Very bad. 

The funny part is that, despite the secret, my mom was concerned about one thing and one thing ONLY.  The next day, when we had a few minutes to ourselves, she said, "When is he going to propose?  Jesse hasn't told me anything and I thought he was going to propose last night with the family."  Well, for one, there was no way that Jesse was going to propose in front of his family so I wasn't expecting anything.  I understand that she has a sense of urgency about the marriage thing.  But Jesse and I really good right now (well, I can't say we've ever been really bad tho) and I wish my mom could see that without having to worry about when we're going to get married.

After this week's debacle, last night, I asked Jesse, "Do you still love me?"  He answered: "Yes."  I asked, "Do you still want to marry me?"  He answered, "Yes, of course I do.  Why are you asking that?"  I responded, "Well, after what happened this week, I wasn't exactly on my best behavior.  And my family is kinda crazy."  With a smile, he replied, "That's ok."

Jesse is such an easy going guy that it's really hard to stress him out over anything.  And after this past week, that is exactly the kind of balance I need in my life. 

now there's a man who deserves to be on a pedestal

I recently did the unthinkable. Seriously, I'm in a wonderful relationship with the greatest guy who totally loves me for me and is the best father to our little fur babies. And then I go ahead and do this.

It was stupid. It was unnecessary. It came out of no where.

I googled a boy. The one who broke my heart. The one who made me swear off all boys and love and commitment and all of that crap that apparently I really did want in my life, despite what this boy made me believe.

I suppose I was just curious. Yes, let's go with that--curiosity.

Back when I was still reeling from the aftermath of that heartache, I would search for him whenever I felt particularly low. Does he still have that Yahoo account? I wonder if he's on IM? Could he be on Friendster (yes, peeps, remember Friendster?)? Would he friend me if he was?

However, that was before Google. And because I am in such a happy place right now and have been for quite a few years, I hadn't ever thought of googling him. Did I want to know if he was married? Or had kids? Or if he really ended up with that girl he cheated on me with?

Without even thinking of the ramifications, I googled away. I found that he has his own company now. He's still doing what he was doing before except he's doing it for himself instead of The Man (or in his case Microsoft, EA, etc.) His business partners are his friends whose names I still recognized despite wanting to forget everything about this boy at some point in my life. And, he's still living in Orange County, near the beach which he loved so much.

What I didn't find is what he looked like.

Damn you, Google Images!

Feeling that my curiosity had not been satisfied, I did the next best thing. Surely if he's an entrepreneur, he's probably into social networking...like Facebook, perhaps? I renewed my search, this time on Facebook and hit the jackpot. A profile. A picture. Finally!

After all these years, all these miles away from him and home, I was finally going to see his face again. I threw caution to the wind, baby, because my curiosity pushed me to click on his name. I just had to see, no matter the consequences.

Upon opening the image of his picture, I realized something.

He'd gained some weight.

And he was far less attractive then what I had remembered.

And he was posing with Storm Troopers.

That image brought me back to reality. The reality is that he never deserved to be placed on that pedestal I created for him. Was he really that great? Did he really ever make me happy? Was he ever attractive? (answers: NO, NO, and at one point, yes). I couldn't believe that this person once had so much power over me that I swore off relationships for YEARS. And here I was, freaking out over googling him. Seriously? What was I thinking? I've already got everything I need in the man I love right now.

They say everything happens for a reason. I was meant to see that picture. And I was meant to see all that I have for what it truly means to me.

At this point, I heard the jingling of keys in the door. Feeling suddenly free from a burden, I picked up Nicky from where he was sitting on my lap. I carried him in my arms like a baby. Gracie ran along my feet, excited to see her daddy again after a long day at work.

Jesse opened the door and I welcomed home the love of my life with a kiss.

this little kitty: a poem

This little kitty is still sicky-poo.



This little kitty is not.



This little kitty is still growing.



This little kitty stopped short.



This little kitty is a total mama's boy.



This little kitty loves her daddy.



This little kitty loves to nap next to mommy when mommy naps.



This little kitty would rather sleep on top of you and keep your diaphragm from expanding so that it feels like you can't breathe in the middle of the night.



Jesse thinks Gracie's out to kill us sometimes.

world war three? the future in-laws meet

My family is coming to visit. And I'm really nervous.

The funny thing is that I've brought this stress upon myself. I was the one who, upon returning home from California after my sister's 40th birthday in February, suggested that maybe my family should come to DC. After all, they haven't been here in years and I now have a new place that they've never seen.

But really I invited them because I think it's time for my family to meet Jesse's.

Having bicoastal home addresses has prevented our families from meeting in the past. But with my mom and sis coming to town, this would be the perfect opportunity for everyone to get acquainted before the wedding planning begins (actually, that's a total lie. The wedding planning has been going on in my head for quite some time). With my mom's disdain for this Coast, I was beginning to think that our families would be meeting for the first time at our wedding. And that could be bad.

My mom and sis have booked flights and hotel rooms and everything is so official now. They really are coming. Jesse's family heard the news this weekend and we've already made arrangements with them for a big family dinner. This is all starting to come together. And I just can't help feeling a teensy bit of dread.

I wish I knew what to expect. I wish I could prepare myself to deal with disaster. But really, I wish I could just let the chips fall where they may and not worry about things I have no control over (this is Jesse's way of coping with EVERYTHING).

I really don't know how this is going to go.

The way I see it, it could go one of two ways. It could turn out really well. Jesse's dad and my sister will probably dominate the conversation the entire time (they are the family chatterboxes). I could see Jesse's mom and my mom getting along really well due to their mutual love of Lifetime TV and home improvement shows. I could see my sister playing with Jesse's sister's kids--probably doing girly things with London and pretending to like sports for Chauncey's sake. I could see me, worrying and stressing out over everything only for it all to turn out ok.

Or it could be a disaster. Maybe my sister and Jesse's dad will want to talk so much that they will be fighting to be the center of attention (not like physical fighting, but more like talking over each other and the like). Maybe Jesse's mom (who has been experiencing a religious conversion as of late) and my mom will start talking about religion and each mom will try to convert the other to their respective faiths. Perhaps no one will understand my mom because her accent is still pretty thick despite living in the US for over 40 years. Maybe Chauncey will think my sister is a nerd and London will ignore my sister (actually, that's a possibility in both scenarios). My sister will probably complain about the smell of crabs (we're planning on buying a bushel and my sister is anti-seafood) the whole time. And I'll burn the hot dogs and Jesse's hamburgers will come out rare and our hope for a pleasant family BBQ will be dashed.

Their visit is a month away and it really is too early to start freaking out. Yet, I am because this is what I do.

In complete seriousness, I fear that my family might be looked down upon. Granted, I have nothing to go on here. Jesse's family has been nothing but super sweet to me. They've always made me feel like a member of their family. And I realize that these are my own insecurities at play.

So I should probably deal before my family gets here. Thank goodness I've got a month.

SOC: crazy, sexy, boo boo

hey sexy,

4 years, huh? can you believe it's been that long? seems like only yesterday when i was checking you out as you walked into dupont italian kitchen, wondering how IT nerds could be so hot. that was definitely one of the best days of my life. who knew that day would be the start of something special, different, liberating, intoxicating, passionate, extraordinary?

certainly not me. i wasn't expecting you to come into my life. wonderful, handsome, intelligent you.

i was a silly girl back then. so emotional yet distant. a cynic who didn't expect to fall in love. pushing people away and being the opposite of having my heart on my sleeve. that heart was under lock and key. and then your love struck me like a lightning bolt and i was forever changed.

you found my heart and now
it's all yours.

4 years is plenty of time to change. and change we did. i wonder if you've noticed how we went from a couple of crazy kids in love to a couple of adults starting our own family (with kittehs!!!). do we make the best team or what?

you are the perfect package. tall (yes, height is important). funny. smart. sensitive. caring. understanding. hot. strong. what did i do to deserve you? how in the world did i get so lucky?

remember when kate told us we don't know how lucky we are. i think we do. we know what we have. that perfect, elusive combination of love passion friendship partnership. yup. we've got it.

they say it's not the destination but the journey. and i wouldn't change a thing. every step we took to get to where we are now? perfect.

every tear i've cried. worth it.
every glance we've exchanged. soulful.
every hug you gave. comforting.
every kiss we've shared. love.
every touch between us. gentle.
every cuddle in bed. blissful.

i found you when i wasn't looking. the love of my life. i love you today and forever.

happy anniversary

gracie under fire

Moving in together was possibly the best thing Jesse and I could've done in order to get ready for a future together. The second best thing was adopting the fur babies.

I've said it before and I have to say it again, having these kitties is a lot like having children (the young, helpless, dependent kind). You have to feed them, bathe them, and watch over them to make sure they don't do anything to hurt themselves. The biggest challenge Jesse and I have faced in raising kitties is Gracie.


Sure, she looks all sweet and curious in this picture, but you should see the plant now.

Don't let the cuteness fool you, peeps. She is quite the troublemaker. Little Gracie firmly believes that she can get by on her looks and cute, chirpy meows, and constant rubbing up your leg. But I'm beginning to think her whole purpose in life is to cause trouble and to make Nicky her accomplice.

Gracie was really good with the word "No" when we first got her. Now she thinks NO! is a common reaction to whatever she does so it's lost all meaning.


the calm before the storm of trouble making

I know what all you experienced cat parents are thinking--it's time for the spray bottle. Well, Gracie likes water, so that didn't really work. And I don't have the heart to use the canned air on her. The last thing I want is for her to hate us. In trying to figure out ways to get her to stop, Jesse and I have differed greatly. He is totally the disciplinarian. He is angry and firm and very protective of Nicky (our first kitty who is the perfect angel compared to Gracie and sometimes goes hungry because Gracie eats his food). On the other hand, I follow up my loud "No!"s with hugs and cuddles and kisses. I'm a sucker for the seemingly contrite look in her eyes after I've yelled at her. Then I start to feel guilty for yelling at her in the first place. This is then followed by Gracie doing whatever it was I yelled at her for a few minutes earlier.

Clearly, my method isn't working.


perhaps plotting world domination?

A perfect example of bad mothering happened a few weeks ago. Jesse had left out a frozen pack of pork chops on the kitchen counter to thaw while we were at work (we don't have a microwave, which I'm told helps shorten the thawing process). Jesse and I returned home to find a bloody bone at the front door.

Apparently, Gracie had jumped up on the kitchen counter (Nicky is not capable of doing this, so we know it had to be Gracie), bit into the vacuum pack of pork chops, and somehow managed to pull a pork chop out of the tiny hole she made in the plastic (bones and all) and then she and Nicky proceeded to eat the raw piece of meat.

Jesse and I stood at the front door in complete shock upon seeing the bloody bone. Naturally, Jesse seemed angry at the kitties and at Gracie in particular for being the instigator. Upon inspecting the bone, I noticed that all the meat was gone, but the fat remained on the bone. Oddly enough, this made me very happy. Like an optimist looking for the silver lining, I said to Jesse, "Look, they left the fat on the bone! That means they're healthy kitties! Yay!" To the fur babies, I said, "Good kitties!"

Jesse was briefly impressed yet was still angry and was trying to think of what we were going to do for dinner. On the other hand, I was still in awe of the kitties for avoiding the fat on the pork chop. Sure, they could've been picky. But I'd like to think they were making a health conscious choice.

So, you see? My parenting skills need work.

oh no! here we go again...

My mom expected Jesse to propose while we were in Colorado. My heart has finally learned not to get its hopes up. It knows not to expect anything. Jesse has already assured me that a proposal is coming some time this year, so I'm not even going to speculate as to when it will be. Jesse is a man of his word. I trust him. Besides, I want to be surprised.

My mom, on the other hand, wants to know and she wants to know now. Is he going to make it official? When is he going to make it official? Well, he has to do it soon because it's been long enough (yes, mom, don't I know it). My church friends think you guys are roommates but the truth is you're living in sin. Stop living in sin and make it official already! Don't you want to get married before I die?

Oh, dear mom and her own sense of mortality.

I've quit worrying about these things (although I do have my momentary relapses). And you'll never guess the reasons why? There are two reasons: Dominick and now Gracie.

I know what you're thinking. Not ANOTHER I love my kitties post. But the reality is that I had been wanting a pet in our home since Jesse and I moved in together. And then he quickly shot down the idea because he wasn't ready. As he became more open to the idea of marriage, he became more open to having pets. And when he finally gave me the kitty ok, he followed it up with, "It's time to start our family."

Jesse can be so cute sometimes.

But the kitties do prove two things: that Jesse is embracing the idea of marriage as opposed to being afraid of it and that Jesse is going to be an amazing father one day. I've blogged about how great he is with his niece and nephew. But whenever he holds Dominick or Gracie in his arms like babies, my cynical, un-romantical heart melts into a pile of mushy, lovey-dovey-ness.

When I told my mom that I hadn't been proposed to in Denver, she kinda flipped out. I didn't even get to tell her about all the cool stuff we did there because she was so angry that Jesse hadn't sealed the deal. I told her to give Jesse some time and she replied, "He's had plenty of time. Until he proposes, I don't want him in my house."

Kinda extreme, no? Sometimes I think my mom lives in absolutes. With her, it's either yes or no, but never maybe. Or black and white but rarely gray.

Needless to say, I promptly said good bye to avoid an argument. Good thing we're not going to Cali together until Labor Day this year. Jesse actually really loves my mom so I hate when she says things out of spite. I know she wants what is best for me.

But I've learned that, sometimes, ultimatums are not the best way to get what you want.

meow, meow, hiss, hiss, snuggle, snuggle

The conversation started innocently enough and rather out-of-the-blue.

Jesse: Why do you love Nicky more than me?

This is Nicky, in case you don't know:


Yes, he's a cat. My boyfriend of nearly 4 years whom I love dearly is asking me if I love the cat more than him. Yet, strangely, I hesitate.

Liz: Don't be silly. It's a different kind of love. The way I love you is not the same way I love Nicky.
Jesse: It just seems that you're more happy to see him than me and you hardly ever pay attention to me any more.
Liz: Awww...it's not like that. I'm happy to see the two of you. I love you both and you both make me very happy.
Jesse: Oh, ok. *goes in for the smooch*
Liz: *smooches back*

Phew. I sure dodged that bullet. :)

The truth is I have plenty of love to go around. So much so that we've added another little kitty to our family. And now for her blog debut...

Blog peeps, meet Gracie!


We got her yesterday from a local rescue. They named her Gracie (probably because she's gray, although the techinical term is Russian Blue) and we're not sure if we want to keep it that way, but we haven't thought of other names. Feel free to pass along any suggestions.

So far Gracie's a sweetheart...well to her new parents that is. She's not so nice to her new brother, Dominick. Every encounter between them has involved friendly curiosity from his part and a hiss on her part. Hopefully this won't last much longer.

This morning, Gracie did everything possible to keep me from getting ready to go to work. She played with my flat iron cord until I decided that it would be a waste of time to flat iron (hey Cali peeps, it's raining buckets here). She kept on getting into the sink when I was brushing my teeth. And she laid down outside of the bedroom right next to the door. Which normally would be fine, but considering Dominick was on the other side and he was crying because he wanted to play with her, I thought that was a little prissy of her. She's quite the little diva already.

Hopefully they'll play together nicely this afternoon. Cross your fingers!

an OC girl living in denver?

I've been in Denver for the last few days, finally getting back into
town yesterday. It was a whirlwind trip with lots of stuff to do and
see. Jesse, who gets sent to Denver frequently for work, asked me to
meet him there on his latest work trip so that he could show me
around. He's really enjoyed the Denver metropolitan area and was
excited to show me all the cool stuff.

Little did I know that Jesse was trying to convince me to move there
with him someday. Jesse, who has lived in various parts of the state
of Virginia his whole life, is kinda over living here and wants to try
something new. Me? Well, I've already been there, done that when I
moved here from Cali. Although we don't anticipate moving there any
time soon (we're going to wait until we can sell the condo and not
lose any money on it), I'm not entirely opposed to it. It's a nice
city. The views are awesome. And apparently the cost of living is
way cheaper than here (but then again, so are a lot of other places).

But if I'm going to move West, I might as well move back to Cali.

We'll see. Anything can happen and I want to keep an open mind about it.

And now, scenes from Denver:

We went to the Rockies' opening day at Coors Field








We also went to Roosevelt National Forest and Estes Park




SHEEP!!!


And we went to RoMo (what the National Park Service calls Rocky
Mountain National Park)





ELKS!!!


there's a lake under all of that snow and ice:


And we went up Lookout Mountain and saw Buffalo Bill's grave




And we went to Red Rocks




And we saw fossils at Dinosaur Ridge


All in all, Denver was nice. And as much as I talk about how I hate
DC sometimes, I can't imagine leaving it now. I finally found a job
that is perfect for me. It took me so long to find it. And I can't
imagine walking away from it any time soon (unless we run out of
funding, in which case, I have no choice but to leave).

So maybe someday, Denver. But not now. Or soon. I'm not done with DC yet.

nicky & me: signs i'm turning into my mother

It has been nearly 4 weeks since we adopted baby kitty Dominick from the shelter. It's been a crazy nearly-4 weeks. Really crazy. I don't think I was prepared for this.

Yes, ever since the very first post on this blog (I'm not linking to it, it's awful), I had been wanting a pet. But since it the condo truly belongs to Jesse, it was really his choice. And for the last almost 2 years that we've been living together, I had let him know that I was only waiting on him to adopt a pet.

Finally, a few weeks ago, Jesse gave us the green light. We had decided that a cat would be easiest, as we are usually not home for at least 10 hours of the day from M-F and cats tend to be rather independent. From my experience, dogs are needy little things, and while I love dogs, I wouldn't have the time to spend and care for one.

Except Dominick is quite time consuming. Also, I've turned into my mother since he arrived.

My mother was very overprotective of me growing up. This isn't an accusation, but a fact. My father died when I was two and I was basically the only one of her three kids who grew up without a father. And for this reason, my mom protected me from everything. I wasn't allowed to play with the kids in the neighborhood because they went to public school and would be a bad influence on me. I'd come home from school and listen to the kids play outside while I did my homework and read Babysitter's Club books once I was done. Now, my mom might've had a point. Two of the girls in our block got preggers as teens (and one of them went to my private school). But I would've liked to have made decisions like those myself. But in my mom's eyes, as long as she could keep an eye on me and keep me from taking chances, then she wouldn't have to worry about me.

I've noticed that I feel the same way about Dominick and that scares me. Every day we leave for work, I lock him up in our bedroom. Yeah, he's been around the kitchen and living room before (and even likes spending time in the bathroom for some reason), but I can't trust him out there all by himself. What if he chews on some random cord that happens to be plugged into a socket? What if he gets into the kitchen trash and consumes something he eventually throws up? What if he gets stuck in some hole while doing his usual rounds of curious exploring and then we can't find him later? The possibilities for harm are endless and I don't want Nicky in that death trap of a living room while we're not around.

And then last night, I realized that the bedroom is a death trap too! While Jesse and I were reading in bed, Nicky decided to be adventurous and climb up my tower of storage cubes. He climbed as high as the 5th of 6 six cubes before I noticed him. He turned around and had no way of getting down by himself. Before mommy could come and rescue him, Dominick slipped and tumbled to the floor, landing on his feet like all cats do. When his paws hit the floor, Jesse and I heard a thud. I looked down at him and asked him if he was ok. He looked at me with his large green eyes and plaintively cried, "Meooooooooooooow." I cradled him into my arms and Jesse and I consoled him.

I am fearful for Dominick. I don't want him to get hurt while we're not around. But how could I prevent that? Jesse said, "You know he's just going to climb that thing when we're not around, right?" Yes, I know that. But I really wish he wouldn't. "He's totally going to hurt himself," I replied. Jesse said, "He's a lot stronger than you think. He's not a baby any more." Those words shot through my heart. Of course he's still a baby. He's my baby! And he'll be my baby forever.

So clearly, Nicky is not safe anywhere in our home. And outside the condo is worse. He's become increasingly more curious of what is outside the condo and has escaped many times, much to my dismay. The minute he shoots out that door, my heart starts to race and I pray that one of our neighbors with the big dogs doesn't decide to give one of them a walk. Otherwise, Dominick will have the scare of his life. Yeah, and me too.

Jesse keeps saying, "You're going to have to let go some time. Nicky's stronger than you think." But I can't let go.

I'm looking into how much padded walls cost. That should keep him safe.

A video of Nicky having fun with mommy and daddy in a nice, controlled environment.

perhaps the fortune cookie is trying to tell us something

When I was in high school, I was a candy striper at the hospital I was born in (St. Joseph's in Orange for the Cali peeps). It was something I did regularly, every Friday, for several years, even after I graduated. I enjoyed it, especially since I was hoping to go pre-med in college (that didn't quite turn out as well as I had hoped then, but I'm happy that I didn't end up in med school).

One of my favorite things about volunteering on Fridays was that the theme dinner at the hospital cafeteria that day was always Chinese (not sure if they still do that now). Me and my fellow candy stripers would unwind at the cafeteria and I would occasionally indulge my craving for Chinese food. The best part of the meal was the fortune cookie at the end.

I had a particularly significant encounter with a fortune cookie my senior year. I had just applied to a number of colleges and had interviewed for numerous scholarships. One of them was the Trustee Scholarship at USC, an academic scholarship that paid for all 4 years of college. Seeing as that I really wanted to go to USC and my mom told me she wasn't going to help me pay for college (12 years of private schooling was plenty for her to pay already) and USC is pricey, I was really, really hoping I would get this scholarship. I was incredibly stressed out around the time that I expected to hear from them about the scholarship. I so really, really wanted to go to USC.

One Friday, I went to volunteer at the hospital and decided to treat myself to Chinese food since I had had a rough week. At the end of my meal, I broke open my fortune cookie and the fortune said, "Hope for the best." Being quite the pessimist back then (now, I call it being a realist), I was really thinking that I wasn't going to get that USC scholarship and was dreading having to go with UCLA, since they had already offered me a generous scholarship. Ugh. You all know how much I hate those Bruins.

I decided to keep that fortune cookie fortune. I'm not sure why, but it spoke to me. It reminded me to remain positive and it was a message I really needed to hear.

That following Monday, I got a skinny envelope from USC. My mom handed it to me and my heart sank. Clearly, a small envelope must mean bad news. I took a deep breath and walked outside with it, where my dog Heidi was. I knew that she would let me cry into her fur if necessary. My mom stayed inside, looking at me curiously. She wanted to know what was in that envelope. I was too scared to open it. Somehow, out of nowhere, a voice inside me said that it was all going to be ok. I opened the envelope and read the letter inside.

"We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected to receive the prestigious Trustee Scholarship...blah, blah, blah."

I started to cry. My mom cried out, "We're going to USC!" I had never been so happy.

Not too long ago, Jesse had his own fortune cookie moment. He'd been debating the marriage thing for a while and I was growing increasingly impatient. I'm not sure what he needed in order to make that decision, but I had done all that I could.

So one night, we ordered Chinese. We've got a really good Chinese place near us so we do this often when neither of us feel like cooking. As always, I look forward to the fortune cookie at the end. Jesse joins me in anticipation. He doesn't really look forward to the cookie like I do, but I think he likes to watch me get all giddy about the fortune.

The food always comes with two fortune cookies and, that night, I let Jesse pick which one he wanted. He made his decision and then I ripped mine open to read the fortune. Mine said, "The best times of your life are still ahead." Hmmm. I sure hope so.

I looked to Jesse and he looked perplexed by his fortune. I asked him, "What does your say?" I completely expected his fortune to be entirely nonsensical as the fortunes sometimes are. Instead, he surprised me and said, "You and your wife will live a long happy life together."

I was shocked. So was Jesse. He said, "We were just talking about marriage. And then I picked this cookie. And if you had opened it, it wouldn't have made sense. But I opened it. It's like it was meant to be." With a smile, I said, "It's a sign."

Like I had done with that fortune from that fortune cookie my senior year of high school, Jesse saved his fortune.

And what did I do with my new fortune? I stuck it on the fridge. It's a gentle reminder that things are only going to get better from here on out.

And they totally have.

Happy Valentine's Day

friday brain dump: things i've learned from my new kitty

Things have been a little hectic at home lately, what with work stress, consulting work stress, and kitty stress. Actually, the kitty stress is fine. I'll be able to deal with kitty stress better when Jesse and I can finally get a good night's sleep.

Oh! And the name is Dominick! Thank you to everyone who emailed me their ideas on kitty names. I assure you that Jesse and I took all of them into account. We went with Dominick because it's versatile with the nicknames: Nicky, Nick, Dom. And Nicky sounds like Kitty (which is what we've been calling him since we brought him home) so now that Jesse and I call him 'Nicky' every once in a while, he won't get confused (look at us being so considerate of Nicky's feelings).

• Nearly a week into being new parents, Nicky's only slept through the night once. Last night was the worst night ever. Although I thought Jesse and I had played with him enough during the evening in order to tire him out, Kitty wanted to play. He's jump on the bed and nudge us to get us to play. I ignored him, hoping to get some sleep. In doing so, Nicky decided to make his point clear by biting my fingers. It was a little nip, nothing vicious. But it was enough to wake me up.

• A couple of times last night, Nicky felt that my back would make a good place to sleep. So, he did his little dance to make sure my back was comfy and then proceeded to curl into a little ball. It was all very cute, until he began to dig his claws into my back whenever he stretched his front legs.

• At around 4 a.m., Nicky decided to play with the Anaheim Angels rally monkey hanging from my side of the bed. It hangs above my pillow. Needless to say, Kitty woke me up and the rally monkey is now hiding from Nicky the Predator.

• Nicky also kept me from packing last night. Every time I would place an article of clothing on the bed, he felt it would make a nice napping spot. And then when I opened my over night bag, Kitty would try to get in. I would love to take him with me to California, but someone's got to watch Daddy while Mommy's gone.

• The best thing to do when you don't get what you want is to meow. Loudly. Plaintively. Kitty likes to do this because this makes Mommy and Daddy come running to make sure he's ok (so we're worrywarts).
  

• Several times in the middle of the night, Kitty tried to play with the straps of the tank top I was wearing. Nothing like the occasional nibble and swiping paw (with claws out, of course) to wake you up.

• Jesse had it worse though, what with Kitty walking on top of his head and nipping his ear several times.

• Yet, besides the kisses Jesse showers me with in order to get me up sometimes, there's nothing cuter than a cold, wet nose and the gentle nudge of a kitty who's looking for a little love and affection.

It truly is kitty's world. Jesse and I just live in it.

lookin' for love in all the right places...

I was just passing by when I turned and our eyes locked. As I continued to walk past him, he followed me with eyes as green as emeralds. He kept looking for me even when I had passed him by. But the look in his eyes made me stop and turn around. You just can't ignore a look like that--the interest and longing his eyes expressed were inescapable. I was beginning to fall in love.

I turned to Jesse and said, "Isn't he beautiful?" Jesse replied, pointing to his friend, "I kinda like the other one." I went to grab the volunteer. "Could we visit with this one?" I asked her. Happily, she said, "Sure." She went to grab the one that Jesse preferred and I was disappointed, but I hid it. As we walked to the visitor's room, I couldn't stop thinking about those eyes. There was a connection there I couldn't deny.

In the visitor's room, Jesse and I played with Danny, a tiger striped domestic short hair cat who was staying at the animal shelter in Arlington. Danny was playful and all, but I was curious about his roommate, the sleek black cat with magnificent green eyes. After playing with Danny, I asked the volunteer to bring in his roommate. I just had to know.

Sawyer/Kitty in a file photo from the shelter

The volunteer brought in Sawyer, the black cat. Sawyer is still a kitten at 6 months. He is all black with just a little spot of white fur on his chest. He sniffed around the room curiously at first. When he was satisfied with his surroundings, he began looking for love. While looking for love, he got distracted by my jacket and started to play with the dangling zipper. I showed him some love by scratching his head and he responded by nudging my hand as if to say, "More love, please."

When he had become comfortable with me, he headed over to Jesse who was entertaining Danny. Apparently, Sawyer was playful again, running around and trying to get some attention. Jesse reached out his hand and Sawyer happily nudged it, looking for some lovin'. He got some. Sawyer was definitely a charmer and too cute to resist.

We thought about taking them both, but apparently, we need permission from our home owner's association board in order to have two pets. The choice was clear. Sawyer and I had a connection and he managed to win Jesse over. He was coming home with us, no buts about it.

One thing Jesse and I decided on quickly was the name. We weren't keeping Sawyer. Jesse had a friend in college named Sawyer who stole a hat of his, so 'Sawyer' brings negative connotations with it. So, for now, kitty is just 'Kitty'. We're still debating on the name. Right now, we're leaning towards Cole, seeing as that the kitty is as black as coal. We're open to suggestions, though.

Thanks to Kitty, Jesse and I had a rough night last night. Apparently, he likes to jump on the bed and walk on our faces while we're sleeping.

It's so hard to get mad at him though. He's just looking for some love. We've all been there, haven't we?

don’t call it a comeback

It’s been two weeks since I last blogged. I’ve been a bad, bad blogger.

The truth is that there is so much I want to tell you about, but I can’t tell you about all the good stuff. Yes, I’m a tease. Unfortunately, all the good stuff is work-related.

It appears that work drama has become more intense since I turned in my notice. What should’ve been a relatively easy 6-weeks-until-my-last-day has become an I-can’t-wait-to-leave-this-place-so-let’s-start-a-countdown. Without revealing too much, the past couple of weeks remind me of every time I left a Crap store. Every time I was forced to leave a store (not in a bad way…I was at the whim of my district manager who would move managers around depending on their strengths and the needs of individual stores), my staff would freak out and start looking for other jobs or wonder out loud who would be their ally now. As flattering as this may seem at first, it’s actually a burden. It was hard to support everyone and it wasn’t until I had to leave these stores that I realized how much people depended on me. To be honest, leaving was liberating. And then the cycle would start all over again at a new store.

So, yes, I’ve been stressed lately. But it’s not just work. It’s Christmas. Don’t get me wrong. I’m almost done with my Christmas shopping (in fact, I’ve only got three gifts to go). My Christmas cards have all been sent. It’s Jesse. And the fact that all I want for Christmas is a marriage proposal (ring optional…see how flexible I am?).

It’s all very sappy really. And a Christmas proposal is so cliché. In fact, I’m sick of hearing those silly radio commercials for jewelry stores because they simply promote that cliché. But I want that. I want the grand proposal on bended knee in front of family and friends and right next to the Christmas tree. I really do want that. However, I’ve wanted it all year and as the year approaches its end, I want it even more.

With each passing day (Christmas will be here before you know it), I try to tell myself that it’s just not going to happen simply because I don’t want to get my hopes up. There is no indication whatsoever that Jesse is even ready to propose. But my shrink and I have agreed on a deadline (ok, so I set a date at her suggestion and she agreed with me). He has until January 1st, 2008.

So what am I really stressed out about? My brain is telling me that I won’t be proposed to by January 1st. Looks like I’m going to be ringing in the new year with a new job, without the love of my life and without a place to live (provided that I stick to my deadline).

However, my heart is still hoping that soon Jesse will look deeply into my eyes and tell me truthfully that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

Silly, stupid heart.

perhaps i'm not the marrying kind

I'm not engaged.

My mother kindly reminded me of that fact last week when I told her about finally getting my dream job. After the laughing and the crying and the cheerful exclamations, my mother was kind enough to bring me down and ask, "So has Jesse proposed yet?" I reluctantly came down from cloud 9 to answer her question which she should already know the answer to (because Lord knows that I will call her as soon as it happens): "No."

She then went on to tell me that my sister who has been dating someone for almost 2 months is being asked suspiciously engagement-sounding questions by her new boyfriend like, "Do you prefer a solitaire or multiple stones?" and "Do you like yellow gold or white?" (Quick background: this new boo is in leukemia remission and may be in 'seize the day' mode). Also, the new boyfriend is trying really, REALLY hard to impress the family. I met him when I was home a few weeks ago and he actually put his arm around my mom while telling her something. That was maybe the second or third time he had seen my mom. He better not put his arm around me if I see him when I'm home for XMas.

The thought of my sister getting engaged before me freaked me out. Sure, I'm the one who has been in a steady, healthy relationship for the last 3+ years but she's the one who's going to get proposed to from a guy she's been seeing for two months. This depresses me. My mom was just venting her concerns but this really got me thinking, Some people just know, but what of the couples where only one half of them knows?

I know my mom didn't mean any harm in asking if I was engaged yet. It just makes sense that now that I have my dream job that maybe my dream husband would finally agree to take on that role too. But no, I'm not expecting a proposal any time soon. I had hoped to focus on how I finally have my dream job and how I will be starting my dream job in January.

However, I've always been very goal-oriented in my life. Once one of my goals has been accomplished, I move on to the next one. For the last 6 months I've been fretting over getting a new job. And now that I have the job I've always wanted, I really want the love of my life to promise to love me forever.

Is that too much to ask?

It seriously pains me that this hasn't been easy. I've heard all weekend from couples who "just knew" that their relationship was headed in that direction. So what if you felt your relationship was headed in that direction until you found out that the love of your life doesn't want to get married?

Now that I've solved one problem in my life, I'm naturally inclined to move on to dealing with the next one.

But I'm tired of feeling inadequate for having a boyfriend who's not ready to marry me. I just don't understand how everything else in our relationship has come naturally and easily except for this one BIG thing.

Kinda makes me think that it just isn't meant to be...