Wednesday, December 5, 2007

don’t call it a comeback

It’s been two weeks since I last blogged. I’ve been a bad, bad blogger.

The truth is that there is so much I want to tell you about, but I can’t tell you about all the good stuff. Yes, I’m a tease. Unfortunately, all the good stuff is work-related.

It appears that work drama has become more intense since I turned in my notice. What should’ve been a relatively easy 6-weeks-until-my-last-day has become an I-can’t-wait-to-leave-this-place-so-let’s-start-a-countdown. Without revealing too much, the past couple of weeks remind me of every time I left a Crap store. Every time I was forced to leave a store (not in a bad way…I was at the whim of my district manager who would move managers around depending on their strengths and the needs of individual stores), my staff would freak out and start looking for other jobs or wonder out loud who would be their ally now. As flattering as this may seem at first, it’s actually a burden. It was hard to support everyone and it wasn’t until I had to leave these stores that I realized how much people depended on me. To be honest, leaving was liberating. And then the cycle would start all over again at a new store.

So, yes, I’ve been stressed lately. But it’s not just work. It’s Christmas. Don’t get me wrong. I’m almost done with my Christmas shopping (in fact, I’ve only got three gifts to go). My Christmas cards have all been sent. It’s Jesse. And the fact that all I want for Christmas is a marriage proposal (ring optional…see how flexible I am?).

It’s all very sappy really. And a Christmas proposal is so cliché. In fact, I’m sick of hearing those silly radio commercials for jewelry stores because they simply promote that cliché. But I want that. I want the grand proposal on bended knee in front of family and friends and right next to the Christmas tree. I really do want that. However, I’ve wanted it all year and as the year approaches its end, I want it even more.

With each passing day (Christmas will be here before you know it), I try to tell myself that it’s just not going to happen simply because I don’t want to get my hopes up. There is no indication whatsoever that Jesse is even ready to propose. But my shrink and I have agreed on a deadline (ok, so I set a date at her suggestion and she agreed with me). He has until January 1st, 2008.

So what am I really stressed out about? My brain is telling me that I won’t be proposed to by January 1st. Looks like I’m going to be ringing in the new year with a new job, without the love of my life and without a place to live (provided that I stick to my deadline).

However, my heart is still hoping that soon Jesse will look deeply into my eyes and tell me truthfully that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

Silly, stupid heart.

6 comments:

jOoLz said...

two things: you can either do what i did and do the proposing yourself (and i've been happily married for 3 years now, so apparently not all men freak when proposed to) or, if he isn't already aware of your feelings on this subject, inform him. sitting around waiting for something like a marriage proposal to happen has got to suck worse than the alternatives.

one thing though... if you're really hoping to get bling, #1 probably isn't the way to go. i didn't even want an engagement ring, so it was cool that i didn't get one. the platinum band i've been wearing for 3 years was all i wanted.

good luck!

Mad Cabbie said...

What's wrong with the brotha? Why does he need to be tickled to propose to a sweet girl like you? I think I need to take Jesse down my basement and rough him up a little bit.

lizzie said...

jOolz--oh, i've brought up the thought of proposing to him before. he doesn't like the idea. he said that if he's ready, he'll do it. he certainly knows how i feel as i'm seeing a shrink for this (and other issues) and i cry nearly weekly about this issue. we live together so it's hard to hide the crying from him. so he certainly knows how this makes me feel.

the bling is not a big deal to me. i'm not going to lie. i wouldn't turn it down if offered, but i don't need to have it.

thank you! we'll see what happens.

mad--i don't know what's wrong with him. and thank you for the compliment. seriously, i wish i knew what the hold up is.

jesse's kind of a big guy so i wouldn't recommend roughing him up. but i appreciate the thought. :)

John said...

I thought it was just me who hated Christmas.
All the very best in you next post.
We all deserve respect and acknolegement for a job well done.
All the very best for 2008

jOoLz said...

k, if he knows i'm with mad cabbie. i want dibs on jesse in the basement tho.

lizzie said...

john--thanks, but i don't hate christmas. it's just stressful during the holidays and that's what i hate.

jOolz--uh oh. i really shouldn't tell you guys where to find him then. :)