my eyes! my VIRGIN eyes!

I went to the gym yesterday like any other weekday. I’ve been going a little earlier than usual because my class has been letting out earlier than scheduled. This gives me an opportunity to know what the gym is like right before the after-work rush. I kinda like it. I don’t have to wait for a machine. I get to pick my favorite elliptical machine (the one that’s directly in front of the TV tuned into close captioned ESPN so I can listen to my music and still know what they’re saying on Around the Horn). My favorite locker is always available at this time. So far it’s been great. Until yesterday.

When I walked into the gym locker room, I was a little upset to see that someone was getting undressed in front of my favorite locker. That meant that I had to choose another one. I scanned the lockers to see which ones didn’t have locks already (presumably this means they’re unoccupied). I randomly picked one. There was a pile of clothes in there. To my dismay, the locker occupant’s underwear was in full display. I honestly wouldn’t have thought twice about it if they had been clean. However, these briefs looked as though the owner had pooped in her pants, while the underwear was still ON. It was incredibly disgusting. I quickly shut the locker door.

For a second, I thought my overactive imagination had gotten the best of me. I decided to take another peek to make sure that my eyes were indeed deceiving me. I opened the locker door. Good Lord! The soiled panties were still there. Two people got up and left the locker room and I found myself alone, except for the only person in the shower room (Poopy Undies, I'm sure). For a split second, I thought about taking a picture with my camera phone so you too could experience the horror. At the last minute, I decided to spare you since I'm sure you'd prefer to live this experience vicariously through me (or perhaps, you prefer not to experience it at all).

I ended up picking a locker two doors down. Poopy Undies came out of the shower and came over to the locker. I snuck a peek at her. She looked so...normal. How could a normal person poop in her undies? And why would you choose to do so? Was a bathroom not nearby?

Needless to say, I have been scarred by my discovery in Poopy Undies' locker. Most likely, I will continue to feel the ramifications of my discovery for a long time (another day or 2, tops). In retrospect, I wish that I had the courage to tell Poopy Undies what I was thinking.

"Get a damn lock."