Thursday, February 22, 2007

worst open-mouth-insert-foot moment ever

My mom recently purchased a cell phone. She is not the most technologically savvy person out there. In fact, she doesn’t use computers because they confuse her. Thankfully she doesn’t have an office job. My mom’s cell phone purchase was a huge step for her. However, I’m the only person she’s called on her phone and I’m the only person who has called her.

She called me two days ago while I was on my way home from the gym. After telling me the latest Serena Rose story (“Goodness, we went to Sam’s Club and she made the biggest scene!”), my mom says that she took my brother’s kids to church last weekend and they really enjoyed it (the subtext being, they like it, unlike YOU). She then went on to tell me that she was becoming more active in her church community by attending adult bible study classes hosted by this very devout Catholic couple that my mom has been friends with for years.

So mom says, “I don’t understand why we haven’t hung out with the (insert Catholic couple’s last name) family more. We just get together and go over the readings for Mass on Sunday and there’s food and it’s all very nice.” Hmmm…I’m not sure why, but at this instant I wonder if my mom’s church friends know that her daughter is living in sin with a man of a different race.

Being the sadomasochist that I am sometimes, I asked, “So do your church friends know that your daughter is living with her boyfriend?” With some hesitation, my mom replied, “Yes…I told them that you are roommates.” Oh really. I responded, “Well, it’s not like we have separate bedrooms.”

There was a momentary silence that felt like an eternity. My mom broke it by saying, “I thought it was a two bedroom condo. So this means that you two are sleeping together…every….day?” Uh oh. Suddenly it all made sense. Sure my mom was never completely cool with my living with Jesse, but I guess somehow, in her head she justified my decision by assuming that Jesse and I have separate rooms. No wonder my devout Catholic mom was ok with my decision. Now I know what she was thinking all along and she is now aware of what has really been going on. This was an extraordinary epiphany for the two of us.

Now it was my turn to break the silence. “Yes, we share a room but I thought you knew that.” My mom said, “Uh no, I didn’t. So what are you doing?” Let’s see, Jesse and I are living together, eating together, sleeping together…oh and having sex. That can’t be what she meant, right? I answered her question with one of my own: “What do you mean?” Mom responds, “I mean, what are you doing? Where is this going? Are you two talking about marriage? This has to be going somewhere, right?” Leave it to my mom to bring up the dreaded M word. I replied, “Mom, I love him. It’s going somewhere.”

“Yes, hopefully soon,” she said in a concerned tone.

Good thing I didn’t have to tell her about the sex.

2 comments:

recovering overachiever said...

Hilarious. I'm going through a similar thing right now. My boyfriend and I (both Catholic) told our parents that's we're moving in together. Except, it's a one bedroom, so there's certainly no confusion!

lizzie said...

RO--wow, good luck. living together is like a whole new level. i'm certainly glad we did it, regardless of what my mom thinks.