Wednesday, March 7, 2007

wedding tour 2007 starts this weekend...BOOOOO!

I’m going to a wedding this weekend in Dallas. And I say that with a very, very heavy heart.

I love Jesse to death. He’s my everything. And I’m going to this wedding because I want to be with him and accompany him as his date (one of his female friends from college is getting married). But I’m just not yet emotionally prepared for Wedding Tour 2007.

I’ve been trying really hard not to worry about the fact that I’m not yet engaged. And regular readers of this blog know that I haven’t blogged about my engagement-related insecurities in a long while. And even Jesse hasn’t been feeling any pressure from me (well, at least he shouldn’t be). I’ve decided to lay low about my feelings for awhile. After all, when Jesse finally does pop the question, I want to be confident that he did so because he loves me and he wants to take this next step in our lives together, not because I nagged him about it incessantly.

I guess I’m not really scared about the actual wedding, per se. The ceremony itself doesn’t worry me as much as the people who will be there. I’m just a little concerned because this particular group of Jesse’s friends will be there. And the last time I saw this particular group of Jesse’s friends was in November at a Virginia Tech football game. The girls collectively came up to Jesse and me and exchanged pleasantries with us. Then one of them came right up to me, grabbed my right hand and pulled it up to her face for a closer look. I thought to myself, what is she doing? She looked at me and then Jesse and said to Jesse, “What? No ring?” I pulled my hand away and thought, I should’ve known. A lump in my throat developed (and I wasn’t even all that worried about this issue back then), but I swallowed hard and let it go. The girl asked Jesse, “So how long has it been?” Jesse said, “Over two years.” The girl said, “And you guys live together, right?” I nodded my head as Jesse said yes. And another girl said, “Umm, Jesse, I think it’s about time.” The first girl nodded her head in agreement. I turned to look at Jesse and noticed that he looked uncomfortable as hell. I remember thinking, Great, it’s not even on his radar right now.

Six months later, I will be seeing this same group of friends and my ring finger is still bare. I’ve only seen them a couple of times, but they have always been very sweet and kind to me (one of them is even one of my MySpace friends). And I know that the girls who gave Jesse a hard time meant well. If anything, they were definitely backing me up. They had no idea I might be sensitive about it. And I’m totally not mad about that exchange. In fact, I think it was kinda cool that they (inadvertently) took my side. But, I guess, girls just know about these things.

However, if one of them says something this weekend, I am going to bust out the waterworks. I’ll be skipping the lump in the throat part and just going all out. Perhaps I’ll be able to pass the tears off as ‘getting emotional over the beauty of a wedding’ tears.

Dude, when did I get so weak?


Anonymous said...

try not to worry about it. and I am sure they meant well but personally I think that is rude to bring up a potentially sensitive subject. It's like asking a woman who has been married for years when she is going to have a baby. Maybe she can't get pregnant. On the bright side, it could be that they were teasing because Jesse's talked about it too and everyone assumes it's going to happen. -Erika

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain--I'm in year five and still no ring (though there's starting to be lots of talk at an accelerating pace). I try not to think about it, like Erika said--I know my guy loves me and that we're heading towards marriage, but it'll be hard going to that first wedding (a buddy of his is tying the knot . . . I'm dreading the questions/teasing). So, know you've got a sympathetic reader out there in the same situation.

lizzie said...

erika--i don't usually give strangers the benefit of the doubt (like the racist old lady from two blog posts ago), but i will let jesse's friends slide. i really do think they meant well. at least i hope so.

anon--thanks for sharing your experience. it is definitely comforting to know that i am not alone. i appreciate your comment.