Thursday, July 5, 2007

not buying the “brain tumor made me do it” excuse

My sister is ten years older than me (which would make her nearly 40). She’s super traditional, conservative, and still waiting for Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet (aren’t we all at some point?). In other words, she is not like me at all. Her whole life she’s had super high standards for guys and when her boyfriends don’t meet those standards, she loses all hope of a future with that person. She’s never been married and her biological clock is ticking like a bomb.

Three years ago, she dated this guy. He was divorced. He had a child with his ex that he shares custody with. I never met him, but I’ve seen pictures of him spending Thanksgiving with my family. My sister was seriously head over heels for this guy. I had some misgivings about the success of that relationship but I know better than to tell my sister not to get her hopes up. Why was I concerned? Well, first off, this guy told her that he loved her on their third date. I know that I’m typically very cynical about these things but how do you love someone you’re still getting to know? The next thing that freaked me out about this guy is that he and my sis started talking marriage about a month into the relationship. Again, how do you start planning a future with someone that you’ve only known for 4 weeks?

My sister, on the other hand, was in heaven. She found a guy who wore his heart on his sleeve, already told her that he loved her, and seemed interested in marrying her someday (soon). Since my sister is a teacher, she’s got lots of experience with kids so she had no problem bonding with this guy’s daughter. It’s like she was given an instant family. Not surprisingly, my sister believed that this was her Prince Charming.

Fast forward several months later. My sister and her boyfriend suddenly started having problems out of the blue. They weren’t seeing each other as often, and when they did, he wasn’t able to secure a babysitter so his daughter had to come along (something tells me this kinda killed the romance). Sometimes, he would flat out ask my sister to take care of his daughter while he went out with friends. Other times, he wouldn’t return her phone calls for days. Eventually, my sister had had enough (it took her a couple of weeks before she realized this was not healthy relationship behavior). She was able to get a hold of him on the phone one night and they had a fight. It was their first fight. When they finally got off the phone, nothing was resolved. My sister decided to sleep on it and give him some time to think about things. She called him a couple of days later and left a message. She tried again the next day because he didn’t call her back. She attempted to contact him a few days later. Still no response. Eventually, my sister got the hint and stopped calling (thanks to me, BTW). Apparently, Mr. I-Love-You-After-Three-Dates didn’t have the balls to break up with her. I didn’t know that guys in their late 30s still behaved that way.

My sister was upset for a long time but she moved on eventually and started to date again.

Fast forward two years. My sister is dating around but nothing serious. This week, she got a letter. Surprise, surprise! The letter is from Mr. I-Love-You-After-Three-Dates. Among the contents of this letter are the following (I’m paraphrasing, of course):

  • I was a jerk
  • I realized that you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
  • I’m sorry I treated you like shit.
  • The reason I treated you like shit is because I had a brain tumor.
  • I’m in remission now. Wanna meet for coffee?

Yup, the guy blamed his bizarre behavior on a brain tumor. Obviously, this claim is far too severe (for lack of a better word) to lie about in order to get some sympathy. And if it is a lie, this guy deserves to be in the Stupid Boy Hall of Fame. Regardless of the truth, I don’t think my sister should give him another shot.

Here’s what I think might have happened (if I believed the brain tumor story)… Mr. I-Love-You-After-Three-Dates really didn’t have the balls to break up with my sister so he chose avoidance. And then he started getting headaches and maybe a random seizure here and there. He went to a doctor to check things out and turns out he has a brain tumor. Suddenly, the world does not look like it used to. He begins to appreciate little things in life because he’s not sure if he’s going to live much longer. He begins to question decisions he’s made in the past. He realizes that my sister made him happy and loved him unconditionally. He begins to regret letting her go and decides to contact her if Fate allows him to live through this. Fate is kind and gives him a second chance. Mr. I-Love-You-After-Three-Dates writes the letter and prays that my sister will give him another shot.

But seriously though, this guy couldn’t properly break up with my sister because of a brain tumor he didn’t know he had?? Come on now. I’m definitely not one to take cancer lightly. My father died from cancer and then I had a cancerous mole removed (and while skin cancer isn’t as scary as some of the other cancers provided that you catch it in time, it’s still the Big C) 2 years ago. Still, that is the most outrageous excuse for seemingly inexplicable boy behavior EVER.

Normally, I sit around and wait for my sister to learn her lessons the hard way. Everyone in my family is pretty stubborn, especially my sister, so I gave up on thwarting her catastrophes a LONG time ago. However, I’m willing to butt in now because I’m so outraged and I don’t want my sister to get hurt again.

Am I a heartless bitch for not having any sympathy for this guy?


Jilian said...

A. I hope he's at least telling the truth about the brain tumor - if not he's a total "(insert word of your choice here)"

B. If it is true - man I have sympathy for what you've been though and am glad your doing better... but...

C. Let's refer back to reasons 1, 2 & 3 for not liking the guy. I Love You after 3 dates, marriage talk within a month, and having your sister babysit for him! Brain tumor or not your sister should stay away :)

Side note - If he was that open with the I Love You thing - you'd think he would have shared about the tumor too...

You're not a heartless bitch - just protecting those you love :)

Michelle said...

I love your blog. That man's story is totally unbelievable and he should go to Hollywood and start writing sitcoms.

lizzie said...

whoa--this post was up for a whole day without a comment. the silence was deafening. i was beginning to accept my role as the heartless bitch before the following peeps commented:

jilian--yup, i agree with every point you made. and i'm especially happy that you included that last part about me not being a bitch. thank you for the reassurance!

i really do want to believe that this guy just had a serious change of heart becuase of a life-altering event. but i just don't buy it. i hope my sister doesn't either.

michelle--thanks for the compliment. i sure do heart my blog peeps!

yup, his story is pretty outrageous. if the whole tumor thing isn't true, then i just can't believe the lengths this guy will go to for a little sympathy.