an open letter to the object of my boyfriend’s affection
Dear XBOX 360,
You entered our lives on Monday and already I am fighting with you for his attention. He was so eager about your arrival. You see, Jesse's been wanting you since November. For 8 months, he has been checking you out (behind my back, might I add), watching your every move, reading all about you and how great you are. He has been tracking you down and just waiting for that right moment when you would finally become available. I had been operating under the assumption that he stopped tracking you in January. I was hoping that his obsession with you had become a passing fad. I hadn’t heard about you for months until I called Jesse to see what he was up to on Monday. “So, what are you up to?” I asked. Jesse says (with a smile that’s evident in his tone), “I’m hanging out here…with XBOX 360.” My heart sank. How is it possible? How did you sneak into our home, our lives together? How did you manage to steal my boyfriend’s affections from me and right under my nose?
It is difficult for me to express the hopelessness and despair I felt at that moment. I knew then that our lives would change forever. What was once a perfectly happy twosome has now become a threesome (and not a pleasurable one for me, might I add). I long ago had won the sole right of being the object of Jesse affection. I had no idea that one day I would have to share him.
I remember seeing you for the first time on Monday evening. Jesse displayed you with such pride. Me? I wasn’t impressed. Frankly, you’re a little too ‘vanilla’ for my tastes. You’re very pale (practically white) and flat and your green and silver accents do nothing for me. For whatever reason, my boyfriend is attracted to you.
Over the past few days, I’ve had to witness your time together. I see the way he looks at you, with a childlike eagerness in his eyes. I see how his big, strong hands carefully caress your buttons, pushing them in just the right way. You’ve taken away the time we spend together in the evenings. Those times when he should be cuddling with me and paying attention to me are now devoted to you.
Somehow, we’ve got to come up with a way to share him. I’m not giving up on Jesse that easily. And I should tell you that I failed the sharing lesson in kindergarten. But if he wants you AND me, there must be a way for us to co-exist in peace and civility. I am confident that his obsession with you will eventually come to pass but I will still be here as I have been for over two years.
If this is what Jesse truly wants, perhaps I could be convinced to participate in a threesome.
3 comments:
I HEAR YOU!!
I've been reading for a while but this definately struck a nerve!
D and I waited in line at 4 am to get this lovely addition to our relationship. It's bad enough I fight with the car and big TV and now this. Fricken Great. How are girls supposed to have boyfriends?!
Thanks, Sharkbait! I came home today to find my boyfriend playing XBOX. He was so excited when he saw me. The reason for his excitement? He just bought the new NCAA college football game for his XBOX.
I've never understood the male fascination with video games beyond the age of 14 (which is about the time I grew out of my Nintendo). It makes no sense.
I consider myself as manly as they come, and I just don't get it. Then again, around the age of 14 is when I discovered women. Women were WAY more interesting than video games, and harder to win! To me, the decision to leave my joystick was easy.
However, I often wonder if I would have been less of a ladie's man had I stayed with video games. I did, after all, get into a lot of trouble with girls over the years (the good and, wink, bad kind).
My advice: you should start spending time in chat rooms talking to strange guys. See how he feels about that! :)
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