hooties vs. snooties?

Last week, Jesse went to South Carolina for work. Aren’t you proud of me for not blogging about his absence this time? Sure, I missed him terribly and counted the minutes until he got back. But I tried my darnedest not to think about it all the time and kept myself somewhat busy while he was away.

So, while he was gone, USC played South Carolina (not in football, but basketball—I think the ‘Cocks won that one). I’ve blogged before about how South Carolina feels that they are the Real USC (whatever that means). Well, the local newspaper in Columbia actually published an article about the two USC’s. They titled it: “Hooties vs. Snooties: Will the real USC please stand up?” Hmmm…I’d rather be snootie than a hootie. Anyways, below you will find the major points they make and my comments/rebuttals.

Location
S. Car.: the heart of Columbia
USC: the heart of Los Angeles
Edge: L.A., where people go to be seen
OC girl: I’ve never been to Columbia, SC, but I’m pretty sure L.A. is better.

Weather
S. Car.: 4 seasons, but fall and spring only last 2 weeks
USC: Two seasons, summer and more summer
Edge: South Carolina, a day off when the white stuff flies
OC girl: Seasons are overrated. I’d much rather have sun all year round.

Heisman Trophy Winners
S. Car.: one, George Rogers
USC: SEVEN, including 3 in the past 5 years
Edge: S. Car., OJ won one; wonder how his search for the killer is going.
OC girl: Hmmm…you’re going to fault all of the other Heisman Trophy winners (Marcus Allen, Charles White, Mike Garrett, Carson Palmer, Matt Leinart, and Reggie Bush) because of OJ?? That’s absurd. Edge USC all the way!

Mascot
S. Car.: a fighting chicken
USC: people duped by a wooden horse.
Edge: South Carolina, we’re pretty sure there’s nothing fake about Cocky.
OC girl: The people of Troy were warriors and probably far more menacing than a stupid chicken.

Most Famous Hoops Player
S. Car.: Alex English
USC: Cheryl Miller
Edge: South Carolina, we’re pretty sure English could take Miller one-on-one.
OC girl: yeah, but I’m sure English couldn’t handle baby Jordan (Harold Minor).

Final Fours
S. Car.: none
USC: two (’40 and ’54)
Edge: Southern Cal, you do the math
OC girl: What? We’ve been to the Final Four??

Failed NFL Coach
S. Car.: Steve Spurrier
USC: Pete Carroll
Edge: South Carolina, Spurrier only failed once.
OC girl: Yeah, and how many national championships has Spurrier brought you? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Edge USC!

National Championships
S. Car.: 1
USC: 106
Edge: Southern Cal, no that’s not a misprint
OC girl: Woo hoo!!!

Mike McGee
S. Car.: Athletics Director from 1993-2005
USC: Athletics Director from 1984-1992
Edge: South Carolina, he was here longer
OC girl: I don’t know who this guy is, but I’m certain USC got more national titles during McGee’s time with us than his time with South Carolina. Advantage USC!

Famous Alums
S. Car.: Hootie Johnson, Leeza Gibbons
USC: John Wayne, George Lucas
Edge: Southern Cal, we’re not about to mess with “The Duke”
OC girl: Bet you guys didn’t know that John Wayne also played football at USC!!

Alums in the movies now
S. Car.: those frat boys in “Borat”
USC: Will Ferrell
Edge: South Carolina, Ferrell will never match the success of “Old School,” an instant classic
OC girl: Hmmm…Ferrell has been critically acclaimed for his role in “Stranger than Fiction.” No one even knows the names of those frat guys. Edge, USC!

Kevin Bacon Connection
S. Car.: has been in Columbia filming a movie
USC: Alum Tom Selleck was in a movie with Dennis Haysbert, who was in a movie with …Oh never mind!
Edge: South Carolina, hey, we saw him the other night at Art Bar!
OC girl: Kevin Bacon is so 1998! Next!

Fashion Sense
S. Car.: Garnet or black…or both
USC: whatever Paris (Hilton, not the city) says
Edge: Southern Cal, how many ways can one wear garnet and black?
OC girl: I’ve never dressed myself according to what Paris Hilton thinks is cool (although maybe Matt Leinart has).

Local Music Sensation
S. Car.: Hootie and Blowfish
USC: Blink 182
Edge: Southern Cal, Hootie lost this one when he did that horrible Burger King commercial
OC girl: Blink slays Hootie any day!

According to The State (Columbia’s paper), South Carolina wins, 8-6. However, with my assessment, it appears USC has won, 12-2 (I’ll give S. Car. Hoops players and Kevin Bacon). Sorry, ‘Cocks!