maybe i should've gone home for turkey day

I’m homesick already.

It’s all Serena’s fault.

I called my sister this weekend to find out what she wanted for Christmas (did I mention that I’m halfway done with my Christmas shopping already? Yup, I’m that good). She happened to be watching Serena that day and she handed the phone off to her so Serena and I could talk.

Me: Hi, Serena! What are you doing?
Serena: HI! *giggle* I’m…gibberish, gibberish, gibberish.
Me: Oh really? That’s nice
(if you recall, she gets mad when people don’t understand her so I just go along with it).
Serena: Yeah…gibberish, gibberish, gibberish
(I’m sure it makes sense to her, but not to me).
Me: Oh, ok. Cool.
(still going along…hoping to understand something soon).

Pause.

Serena: Are you coming home soon?
Me: (Insert sound of heart breaking here…This is not the first time she’s asked me this, but every time she does is just as painful as the last time she asked).
Me: I’m coming home soon, Serena. I’m going to be home for your birthday!
Serena: Ohhhh! *giggles* My birfday’s soon. I can’t wait. There’s going to be horsies and presents.
Me: Horsies?
Serena: Yeah, my birfday’s going to be at the horsies.
Me: Oh, that’s going to be fun. Are you excited about all of the presents?
Serena: Yes. *giggles*
Me: Yeah, I would be too.

My sister later gets on the phone and clarifies that her birthday party is going to be at the stables where she’s learning to ride. She does actually have her own horse and she’s obsessed with him. She can even tell you the difference between an Appaloosa and an Arabian. I love how she says Appaloosa as Appaloosha.

Anyhoo, I absolutely adore this little angel and I can’t wait to see her again in 27 days.


Yes, I’m counting down, ok?

my very cali birthday

My trip to California started with a stop in San Francisco. I had a great view from my hotel.

Here's a plane landing. It looks like it's landing on water.


Here's another view.


On Friday, I flew down to LA and spent the rest of my trip in the OC. My Saturday was spent babysitting my niece and watching college football.

I managed to do both in this picture.

That's the USC/Notre Dame game on TV. I taught Serena how to say, "Boo Irish!"

Speaking of USC, what was initially a joke turned out to be the real thing. My family threw me a very Trojan party.


This is the cake my sister made. Yes, she decorated it herself.


I started to feel like an 8 year old, what with all of the decorations and all. So, after dinner came the obligatory present opening. Here are some highlights.
A scarf from Aditi.

A necklace Lisa made for me.

A Coach make up bag from Aurelio.

And Jesse didn't make it out to California for me so he Fed Exed one of his gifts in time for my party...

Which was appropriately a USC visor and t-shirt, perfect for the Homecoming Game we're going to in two weeks.


Finally, my friends started making their ways home.



It was a great birthday. Can't wait for my DC birthday party tomorrow!

sometimes, i wish i was making this stuff up

Here is my trip to California in a nutshell (a very, very large nutshell).

Day One (Wednesday).
I flew out of Dulles at 8 a.m. on Virgin America. It was my first time flying with them and I was impressed. I really liked the atmosphere on the plane and the seats in coach had a lot of room. Plus, we all had our own TVs at our seats, like JetBlue. Unfortunately, the satellite wasn’t working, so the only channel I could get was Fox. Boo.

The flight to SF is normally 5.5 hours. About two hours in, I was feeling incredibly uncomfortable in my seat. I was freezing cold and my body was achy. It wasn’t long before I realized that I was feverish. I put on my down jacket, asked for a blanket from the Virgin flight attendant and hoped that would help. Ummm…nope. Let me tell you how much it sucks to have a fever on a plane. It’s awful. It’s hell. So at the 5.5 hour mark, I was anxious to land. Except we weren’t. We were circling and circling for what felt like an eternity. Apparently, the folks at San Francisco Airport weren’t letting us land.

All of that circling led to one little problem—the plane I was on was starting to run out of gas. So, we headed over to San Jose Airport to get some gas and hang out on their run way until we were cleared to land at SFO. Still feeling feverish, I willed myself to sleep. When I woke up from my nap (feeling incredibly rested so it had to have been at least an hour), we were landing at SFO.

Day Two (Thursday, AKA my birthday)
I had a hard time getting up and an even harder time getting ready to go to my conference. My body was so incredibly achy and I had developed a cough. I really wasn’t feeling well, but I had to work so I forced myself to go.

I left the conference early because I really wasn’t feeling well. I thought maybe if I got some fresh air and tried to enjoy the day, maybe I could salvage my birthday. So my friend Kattie (who flew up to keep me company) and I headed into the city (Union Square) to do some shopping, my favorite pastime and usually the cure to all of my ills. Unfortunately, not today. I didn’t buy much (a pair of shoes, a necklace, and tank top) and I felt so miserable while going from store to store. But I wanted to enjoy my day, I really did. Finally, we left H&M and headed to dinner at a restaurant called Colibrio Mexican. OH MY GOD. The food was so good. And the dessert was even better. And the sangria helped me forget about my misery for a little bit. But then, once sober, it all came back.

Day Three
Right after the conference, I left for the airport for my flight to L.A. When my mom gets out of the car to hug me, I beg her, “Please make me feel better. Please.”

Day Four (Saturday, AKA, the day of my Cali birthday party)
I was determined to have a good time despite how horrible I felt. I learned that coughing up phlegm was making me feel better, albeit temporarily. Shortly before my friends showed up at my mom’s house for the festivities, I threw up phlegm in the bathroom. I thought I was done because I started feeling better.

While talking to my friends, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The coughing came back. But I put on a smile and made the most of it. I had a great time with my friends. And then, little by little, they left. I rushed to the bathroom after the last person left and coughed and coughed and threw up some more phlegm (I know the difference between coughing up and throwing up and I managed to do both). This time, it came out red. Damn it. I told my mom and she said, “We’re going to the hospital. NOW.”

Day Five
At the crack of dawn on Sunday, I was in St. Joseph’s Hospital in Orange. Turns out I have pneumonia.

Day Six
Sleeeeeep. Mmmmm…

Day Seven
Back to DC (cough, cough, wheeze, wheeze).

Ok, blog peeps, I really want to post pictures and blog about the wildfires (many of which I saw) but it took all I had to write this post. I’m going to go back to sleep. G’nite.

friday brain dump: separation anxiety edition

I dropped Jesse off at the airport today for his weekend trip to Phoenix. I’m feeling physically and emotionally ill right now. But here goes:

• While at the gym yesterday, I picked up the latest issue of Cosmo to read (I would never actually pay money for an issue). In it, they reported on a poll they did and (among other things) it revealed that 65% of guys have dreamed about their wedding day. Granted, Cosmo is not exactly THE source for trusted relationship research. However, I refuse to believe the majority of guys have dreamed about their wedding day. I’m sure Jesse hasn’t.

• Also in the same poll, 35% of women don’t always practice safe sex. What? Are you kidding me? Come on, people! Unless you’ve discovered a way to become personally immune to STIs, you can still get infected. And just because someone looks like they don’t have a disease doesn’t mean they really are clean.

• For the longest time in our relationship, I have always considered Jesse’s XBOX and his XBOX 360 to be the “other women.” I could be naked in front of him, calling him to bed while he’s playing and he’ll still tell me, “Another minute!” But we finally found something me, Jesse and XBOX can do together. The game is called Bioshock (and yes, it’s a single player game) but I just love watching him play it. Bioshock is like a really good science fiction, mystery book you can’t put down. If XBOX is invading your relationship with your man, give Bioshock a try.

• I miss Jesse so much already.

• Whenever I’m feeling lonely because Jesse has gone away on a trip, shopping makes me feel better. Just so you know, Banana Republic is having their big Fall sale right now.

• You all know how much I hate being alone. And I thought I would have to spend the day of my birthday alone while at a conference for work in San Francisco. Then my friend Kattie came to my rescue and will be flying up to SF to keep me company! Words cannot express how grateful I am that she is doing this for me. Luv her!

I’m outties, peeps. Have a wonderful weekend. This weather is supposed to be nice so if you spend it outdoors, be sure to use sunscreen! If anyone is at Crystal City Sports Pub on Saturday night, come visit me on the third floor. I’ll be watching the Trojans play Wazzu.

Fight on!

california dreamin'

I had the following conversation over the phone this weekend.

My sister had just sent me a text message with the latest picture of my niece Serena doing something cute.

Sister: So, did you get it?
Me: Yeah, it’s cute. I just showed Jesse.
Sister: Yeah, isn’t she adorable? I was trying to get a picture of her eating and then she posed right as I took it. Here. Do you want to talk to her?
Me: Yeah, of course.

Muffled sounds as the phone is passed to my niece.

Serena: HI! (giggles)
Me: Hi, Serena! What are you doing?
Serena: Uh...eating French fries.
Me: You’re eating French fries? Yum!
Serena: Yummmm!
Me: They’re good, huh?
Serena: Are you coming home now?

At this point, my heart sunk all the way down to my stomach. I couldn’t believe she asked me that. A lump formed in my throat. I wanted to tell her, Yes. I wanted to see her right then and there and just hug her with all of my might. But I couldn’t because I was on the opposite side of the country.

I took a second to compose myself.

Me: No, Serena. Not yet. But I’m coming home soon.
Serena: Ok. Love you!
Me: I love you too! (that lump in my throat suddenly doubled in size)
Serena: Ok, BYE BYE!

Muffled sounds as the phone is passed back to my sister.

Sister: Wow. I can’t believe she said that.
Me: Neither can I. Did you tell her to ask me that?
Sister: No, I didn’t. I swear. Isn’t that cute though?
Me (thinking), Sure, if you call your heart breaking cute.
Me: Yeah, that is cute.
Sister: So when are you coming home?
Me: Soon.

And I am going home soon. My tour of the West Coast starts Oct. 17 in San Francisco and then I’ll fly down to the OC to celebrate my birthday with family and friends.

Oh and I can’t wait to see this little angel:

confidential to the birthday girl in AZ

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday, dear Shell!
Happy birthday to you!

confidential to birthday boy in VA

Dearest Love of my Life,

Today is a very special day. I love making you happy every day of the year, and today should be no exception. Why? Because 29 years ago today, you entered the world. Happy birthday, boo boo!

In an effort to make this day your happiest day of the year so far, I promise to do the following:

• Hug you as often as possible

• Kiss you when appropriate (boo public PDA’s)

• Tell you that I love you every opportunity I get

• Not to get stressed out as I’m getting ready for dinner (and ruin the mood)

• Take you out to dinner to the DC area’s premier steakhouse

• Let you order whatever you want no matter the cost because I want to spoil you

• Not to make you wear something dressy (however, you are required to look hot, which is never a problem for you)

• Not to tell the waiter/waitress that it’s your birthday so you won’t be embarrassed by their singing “Happy Birthday” to you in front of everybody

• Come home with our satisfied bellies

• Let you sleep tonight unless you have different plans…*ahem*

I want you to have a very special day today. I hope to make you as happy as you’ve made me. I love you!

Happy, Happy Birthday!

confidential to birthday boy in DC

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, dear Dave!
Happy Birthday to you!

the biggest secret I’ve ever kept

For my birthday, I have decided to put myself out there (even more than I usually do) and reveal a secret that I’ve had to keep for the longest time.

I’m not a virgin.

I know you’re all shocked.

Keeping with the honesty theme here, I should probably tell you that everyone in my life knows that I’m not a virgin except for one, lonely soul—my mom. My poor mom thinks I’m still as pure as freshly fallen snow. And frankly, I’m not prepared to burst her little hopeful bubble.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering how it is that my mom doesn’t know I’m not a virgin despite the fact that I:

• Work in the sexual health field
• Have blogged about sex
• Have blogged about getting paid to talk about sex
• Live with my boyfriend where we presumably share a bed
  

Luckily for me, my mom doesn’t know because:

• I’ve lied to her about it
• She trusts me
• She’s computer illiterate and has only seen this blog once
  
• My brother and sister haven’t told her anything.
  

My mom is very conservative. She is extremely religious. She doesn’t question much. She has lived in this country for over 40 years and still has the thickest accent. She primarily watches Spanish-language TV. She is old-school traditional and probably will always be. I’ve come a long way in helping her come around to keep up with the changing times. I’ve informed her of many things to keep her in the know (like how AIDS isn’t a gay man’s disease, why we haven’t won the war in Iraq, how a virus causes cervical cancer, how important it is to get a mammogram, etc.). I encourage her to keep an open mind. But with some issues, I know she will not be open-minded about. And sex is definitely one of them.

I have never talked to my mom about sex. I imagine that she’ll finally tell me about it right before my wedding night. She has no idea that I’m pro-choice. She’s not quite sure what I do for a living. One day at work, I was translating into Spanish a patient ed. brochure on contraception methods. I called her because I wasn’t sure of the proper sentence structure to use. It just so happened to be the blurb about diaphragms. When I read her the sentence I came up with, her comment was, “Well, you know the best form of contraception is the rhythm method.” I smiled to myself and said teasingly, “Oh isn’t that what you were practicing when you had me?” (actually it is)

I love my mom dearly. And I am very honest with her about other aspects of my life. Despite that, I’m planning on taking this secret with me to the grave. If I told my mom that I’ve had sex, she’d be angry at first. She’d probably make some comment about all the money she spent sending me to good Catholic schools and if I had ever learned anything from that. She’d probably ask how I could possibly disrespect the Lord and my body like that especially after taking me to church every day when I was a kid. And then she’d cry and be sad.

But what’s worse is that she would be so disappointed in me that she would never look at me the same way again. The whole religious concept of being “pure” until marriage is so important to her. With her whole heart, she hopes that my sister and I will stay virginal until marriage. If I told her the truth, she would be devastated.

Sure, I could tell her someday. But what would be the point? It would be selfish of me to unload my conscience only to hurt her immensely.

So instead, I'll lie.

birthday week kickoff '06

On Saturday, I went out to dinner in Ballston with a few friends. Dinner was exhausting. I barely ate. Being the perfectionist that I am, I desperately wanted for everyone to get along. I invited friends from the vastly different aspects of my life—work, old work, blog, Hokies, etc. I so wanted everyone to get along which is no easy task when there isn’t a common denominator in a large group (like work for example). Despite the fact that I should’ve created name tags for everyone that was there, I was very happy to see that everyone got along just fine. And my boss was a big hit, apparently.

I got a little goofy with the action shots but Anna was on to me!


Awww…Alanna, Shama, and Wayne share a moment.


Here I am with Jesse who is so photogenic. By the way, can you believe how long my hair is?


Like I said yesterday, we followed up dinner with a trip to Bailey’s to watch the USC/Arizona State game.

Here I am again, sitting with my favorite boys, Enzo and Dave.


I caught Jesse spending some quality time with one of his greatest loves—beer.


For more photos of the pre-birthday birthday fun, please click on my flickr badge in the column to the right.

It was a fun, little evening. I had a great time with my friends and I was so impressed with the turnout! I can’t believe that so many people came to help me celebrate! I heart my friends.

Coming up next on my Birthday Week ‘06 celebrations is the home-cooked meal Jesse is planning for my b-day tomorrow, followed by a full weekend of Hokie fun in Blacksburg.

confidential to DCWeddingPhotog

Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday, dear MK!
Happy Birthday to You!

I know you're working today, but I hope you have an awesome B-day!

the worst birthday ever

My birthday is two weeks from tomorrow. I’m kinda stressed about it. Honestly, I’m not really worried about getting older. I’m turning 28. When I turned 27, I had begun to accept that the big three-oh was not only imminent but also unavoidable. I’ve had a whole year to come to terms with that. I’m worried because this year presents another opportunity to forget the horrible birthday that was my 25th…and I want my 28th to be perfect.

Shortly before my 25th birthday, my brother proposed to a woman I had never met. In fact, no one in my family had met her. Moreover, he had just broken up with his girlfriend of 7 years during that summer. Why is it that he proposed to someone after dating her for a short while when he never popped the question to his girlfriend of forever? Needless to say, my family was not happy. In addition to that, they set a wedding date for November, making their engagement last all of one month. I was confused. It all seemed so rash. My family was coming to me, hoping that I could fix things. After all, I was the closest to my brother. They wanted me to talk some sense into him. Oh…and did I mention that I was going through midterms while this was happening?

The night before a major paper was due (and two days before my birthday) my mom and sister had a breakdown about my brother’s impending marriage. They asked me to intervene so maybe he could help them understand why he was being so hasty. I was on the phone for hours that night, back and forth between my brother and my sister. I could hear my mom crying in the background. It was horrible.

My brother sounded so much in love. He spoke of his future wife with so much emotion. I knew this was different from the ex. I finally asked him, “Are you sure that this is what you wanna do? Do you really need to rush into marriage?” His reply: “I love her. I don’t want to wait.” I explained to my mom and sister that we needed to respect his decision, even if we didn’t agree with it. He really did love her and she seemed to make my brother happy. For my brother’s sake, we should drop the drama. Eventually, my mom and sis listened.

I had tried so hard to be strong for my family. I really needed someone to lean on then and I turned to my “friend” J.W. who ended up not being there for me. I withdrew and decided to hold it all inside. By the time my birthday came around, I had no plans. When my friend Roo Roos found out, he and his partner at the time decided to take me out so I wouldn’t be alone.

They took me out to my favorite restaurant in the city at the time. I tried to enjoy myself but it was hard. I was stressed out and my heart felt so heavy all the time. I just wanted my birthday to be over with. I appreciate that Roo Roos kept me from being alone that night. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to get over the crap.

My quest to forget my 25th birthday began with my 26th. I refuse to have a miserable birthday again. My 26th was awesome. Shell flew out for the occasion. I had dinner at ESPN Zone with my friends during the baseball playoffs. It was awesome. For my 27th, we all went out to Lauriol Plaza for dinner, followed by drinks in Adams Morgan. I just had to see Ted (my bartender) at Millie and Al’s for a birthday drink. Everyone had a great time that night. I was pretty stoked. The following weekend, Jesse and I went to Cali to celebrate my b-day with my family. My 27th was probably the best birthday ever.

With my 28th approaching, I am stressed about making the perfect plans. It’s a good kind of stress though. As long as my 28th is better than my 25th, I think I'll be ok.

confidential to birthday boy in DC

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, dear lawsomnia!
Happy Birthday to you!

confidential to birthday boy in SF

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, dear Matty!
Happy birthday to you!

I'll be having a drink in your honor tonight!

confidential to the mexican diva in MD

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, dear Rene!
Happy Birthday to you!

confidential to birthday girl in LA

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear 'big sis'!
Happy birthday to you!

happy DC birthday to me!

Four years ago today, I left the comfort and perfection of southern Cali for DC--a day that I call my DC birthday. It used to be a day I would celebrate by drinking (back when I needed an excuse to drink). But I think my liver needs a break. So, I will reflect instead.

Earlier today, Jesse and I were cleaning out the condo. We threw out a lot of junk, including this incredibly old plastic laundry basket that Jesse has had since he started college. The handles were broken and it was really falling apart. Every time I've picked it up, it hurt my hands. I've hated that thing since Jesse moved in and I've been stating my case for a replacement for awhile. I just couldn't understand why Jesse wasn't in a hurry to replace it. Even so, I decided to add it to the garbage that was a part of our summer cleaning.

When dumping the trash, Jesse showed me where the basket lay in the dumpster. He had a little nostalgic moment--reminiscing about all the times he had moved since his freshman year and how that laundry basket had been with him through it all. Not realizing the gravity of the moment, I casually said, "Well, it has served it's purpose and now it's time to move on." Jesse replied, "Yeah, I guess." Did that basket really mean anything? Was Jesse really sad? Was I being insensitive?

As I recollect today's laundry basket moment, a thought occurred to me. Is Cali my "laundry basket"? I know Cali's not old and falling apart like the laundry basket, but you get me. It's hard to let go of things that mean so much to you and carry so many memories. I think about home all the time--my family, my friends, my dog, the beach, the ocean. Not a day goes by where I don't compare Cali and DC or West Coast and East Coast. The weather here is constantly an issue for me (a result of being spoiled with great weather back home). Lots of things here remind me of how I am not home.

I love Orange County. I've always been proud of where I'm from, long before the show ever aired on Fox. But the reality is that Cali hasn't felt the same to me since I left. I've endured so much since I moved. Moving to a strange city and not knowing anyone is a difficult task. I know that I have changed significantly since I left home (and I'm not just talking about my hair). Yet, Cali shaped me and helped me to become the person that I am. However, DC has also had a profound influence on me, so much so that I always feel "different" when I step onto that tarmac in Long Beach every time I fly home.

Does this mean that Cali has already served its purpose? Is it my turn to move on? The truth is that I will always be a Cali girl no matter where I live. They say that home is where your heart is. So, if my heart is here, does that make DC my home? Maybe.