drive by guilt trip

I'm hosting a big event for my program this week and I've been crazy-busy lately trying to get everything ready in time.  This means long hours at work and no time for me.  Last Thursday, another day that I stayed late at work, I was waiting for a bus at the Pentagon.  Because it was way past rush hour, there weren't too many people waiting for a bus at that time.  I was in the middle of texting the bf when a woman said something to me from a few feet away.

Me:  I'm sorry but what did you say? 

Lady: I asked you if you just got off from work.

Me: Yes, I did.

Lady: You're so lucky.  Must be nice to have a job to get off from.

Me: ????

I was the victim of a drive by guilt trip.  I had no idea who this woman was and had never seen her before but the last thing I expected to be subject to while waiting for the bus is a guilt trip by a complete stranger. 

What she doesn't know is that a key component of my program is case management and my case managers have done an excellent job in finding jobs and job training for the participants that are unemployed. 

What she doesn't know is that I am completely aware of how lucky I am to have a job.  I honestly do think about this every day.  I realize that unemployment is high and I'm certainly fortunate to have a job in this economy.  I'm lucky because I have the capacity in this job to help people who need it.  I'm especially lucky because I love what I do. 

Upon realizing this, I decided to just go about my business.

Guilt trip over. 

same ol' crap, different era

Depression Era, people lined up for bread

 

source: nps.gov

2009, people lined up for free health care in L.A.

source: latimes.com

And for those of you who think only undocumented immigrants need health care (not sure how you can tell from that photo that the brown-skinned people aren't citizens)...

2009, people lined up for free health care in rural Virginia

source: prwatch.org

how is it that i haven't blogged about this already?

Some food for thought...

More health care reform stuff tomorrow.

UPDATE: For the story of Deamonte, go here.

my conflicting feelings over michael jackson

This post is not for those of you who are holding nightly vigils near Michael Jackson posters.

This post is for those of us who have conflicting feelings about the passing of Michael Jackson (henceforth referred to as MJ).

When I first heard about his sudden death and the flood of grief and shock, I was confused. After all, the MJ that everyone is grieving right now, the one who was an innovator in music and in dance, 'died' about 20 years ago. Within the last 20 years, MJ has turned into a caricature, a person haunted by both personal and external demons.

In the last 20 years, MJ

• had lightened his skin
• had one too many rhinoplasties
• had married and divorced Elvis' daughter (not before filming a creepy music video in which they both appear naked)
• was accused of child abuse countless times (at least one case was settled out of court)
• dangled his baby from a balcony
• went to trial for child abuse charges
• went to said trial in pajamas
• agreed to appear in a documentary about his life
• did not appear to be lucid in said documentary
• admitted to lying in bed with children (little boys specifically) and expressed how there was nothing wrong with that (in said documentary).

Although MJ was found not guilty of child abuse charges (for the record, OJ was found not guilty too), the court of public opinion had already condemned him (myself included). The documentary did nothing to change my mind about this, particularly his comment about sharing his bed with boys. I wonder, if MJ had a fondness for sharing his bed with little girls, would his fans still believe in his innocence? Would there have been a bigger public outrage? Would his fans have gotten over that pretty quickly just as they did with his alleged abuse of little boys? What is it about celebrities that we are so quick to forget their transgressions?

As you know, I see a lot of substance abuse and mental illness in my line of work and my opinion is that MJ is a classic case of both. I have no doubt that MJ was mentally ill. The longtime abuse from his money-grubbing father and an entire lifetime in the spotlight does not leave someone unscarred by the experience. If anything, I feel much sadness that MJ never got the help he truly needed, probably because the people he surrounded himself with only saw him as a meal ticket, rather than a human being crying out for help. Instead of getting real help, MJ self-medicated (I read somewhere that the only things that were in his stomach at the time of death were pills). And all of those around him probably noticed but decided to look away.

The Michael Jackson everyone is mourning now has long been gone. Celebrity friends are coming out of the woodwork, commenting about how troubled he was and how they knew it all could end this way. Well, then, so-called friends, where the f*ck were you all when he was down and out and looking to prescription drugs for help?

I do feel like an outsider (or even more of a minority than I usually feel) because I'm not crying over MJ's death while so many are. His sudden death does not surprise me. Yes, he was a musical innovator. He was a great singer and entertainer. But he was also a troubled person who sought comfort in drugs and the company of little boys.

Michael Jackson was a victim who victimized. I can't mourn someone who hurt others. But I can be sad because his cries for help were never answered.

about to lose faith in all humanity

I'm officially depressed.  Things have been down for me emotionally and, while I choose to not discuss them in this blog for personal reasons, just know that I've been upset about things for several days now and I've yet to see the light at the end of this tunnel.  And from that perspective, I write this post.

Because Fate likes to kick me while I'm down, yesterday morning I got the most interesting email at my blog email address.  Presumably in response to my post on my reaction to Dr. George Tiller's murder, the email sender wrote nothing but an incomprehensible string of curse words.  Buried among those curse words were the words "I hope you die like Tiller." 

Yup.  I guess that's the "pro-life" movement for ya.

I have long been a vocal opinionated blogger (well, except for my boring early stuff--please don't look at anything written in 2006) and I'm certainly not going to stop voicing my opinion just because some nut job terrorist sympathizer decided to email me his death wish.  But I have long hoped that some of my posts, some of my soapbox moments actually reach some people.  And maybe I don't change opinions, but maybe I encourage people to consider a view that is different from their own, encourage them to walk in someone else's shoes to see why someone would feel differently than they do.

I have received emails from strangers who read my blog thanking me for shedding light on a topic that is important to them, or a topic that helped them realize something or learn something new.  I get choked up sometimes just reading them.  It feels so good to help people, it really does (so much so that I've made a career out of it).  And then there are emails from people who don't like what I write.  And sometimes I write them back.  And occasionally, we get into an email debate and that person finally accepts a differing view (notice I said accept not agree--hey, change is change, no matter how small).

Yesterday, upon reading that email, I realized that there are some people that will never change.  That will never be open to another view.  That would threaten someone with a different view in the name of their god.  That would rather wish death upon someone to silence that view. 

I'm not in the least bit threatened by this anonymous coward person.  But I am saddened that there are people who have no qualms sending such an email to an opinionated blogger who has never performed an abortion and has never worked in a family planning clinic but who passionately supports people who do and the women who seek these (legal) services.

Yeah, I am totally one of those idealist do-good-er types.  I work to open minds and change hearts, not just through this blog but in my community.  I've always felt that nothing is impossible.  But today, I feel like I've been slapped in the face by reality. 

Try as I might, there are just some people who will never change.

state of crap: CA budget cuts detrimental to criminal justice system

As you already know, California's economy is in the crapper. What you probably didn't know is that the people of California recently voted on proposed measures that were designed to reduce future debt. In a move that is sure to make future CA residents who are not even born yet pay for the consequences, voters rejected all of the measures. The measures included tax increases and the reallocation of funds.

In rejecting these measures, the state government had to find other ways to close the multi-million dollar budget gap. Schwarzenegger is cutting everything. Funds for HIV/AIDS services will get cut, state beaches will shut down and poor children will be uninsured. I think the NY Times sums it up best:

The cuts Mr. Schwarzenegger has proposed to make up the difference, if enacted by the Legislature, would turn California into a place that in some ways would be unrecognizable in modern America: poor children would have no health insurance, prisoners would be released by the thousands and state parks would be closed.

One of those proposals is to cut all funding for Proposition 36. Prop 36 is (take it away, Wiki) "an initiative statute that permanently changed state law to allow qualifying defendants convicted of non-violent drug possession offenses to receive a probationary sentence in lieu of incarceration. As a condition of probation, defendants are required to participate in and complete a licensed and/or certified community drug treatment program. If the defendant fails to complete this program or violates any other term or condition of their probation, then probation can be revoked and the defendant may be required to serve an additional sentence which may include incarceration."

You're probably wondering why I am against this cut when I'm no longer a California resident (*sniff, sniff*).

Well, when I was in California two months ago, I was there for a training. Prop 36 was an integral part of the training. One of the days of the training, I got to visit and participate in an actual drug court. Instead of going to regular court, defendants with minor drug-related offenses would go to see this one judge who would then refer them to treatment.

The drug court consists of the judge, a public defender, a probation officer, two substance abuse counselors and the director of the substance abuse program that the defendants were referred to. Every week/every two weeks (depending on the severity of the addiction problem and the related crime), the defendants would go back to check in. The drug court judge was the most compassionate person I've ever seen in any legal system. He would publicly acknowledge defendant successes, especially those who completed treatment without relapse. People who had relapsed would receive a father-like lecture from the judge and were then sent to jail for a week to think about what they had done and how they were going to make things right when they are released.

In meetings both before and after the session, the drug court judge expressed empathy when discussing clients, but in court he showed some tough love. He genuinely cared about the defendants and they returned that sentiment. I sat close to the judge during the proceedings and he would often counsel the defendants privately. The defendants trusted him with their stories (which I obviously can't reveal here--let's just say they were depressing), and the judge would advise them appropriately. He was under no obligation to do so, but I think he liked that the defendants trusted him and sought his opinion on personal matters.

With cuts to all Prop 36 funding, drug courts and the treatment programs they refer to will no longer be able to count on this state funding stream. This would be extremely detrimental to the agency who trained me (an agency which counts among its successes its ability to treat meth addicts effectively. In my experience, meth addicts are the hardest to treat). Now, the offenders will probably face short prison sentences (you know, with overcrowding and all), receive absolutely no treatment for their problems, and just go back to committing the same crimes all over again.

There was a time in this country when incarceration was about rehabilitation, not punishment. And the drug courts were a perfect example of this. Without Prop 36, the cycle of recidivism will not stop. It would be a damn shame to end this program and negate all of its success.

et tu, washingtonian?

It's the magazine cover heard seen around the world. Oh lordy. I'm so embarassed.

image courtesy of washingtonian.com

I was and still am an Obama supporter. However, this is our president! He's not a celebrity. First it was countless fluff magazine covers (fluff = In Touch Weekly, People, etc.) pre and post-election. Then it was the craziness over Bo, the family puppy (who already has several books in the works). And now this photo of the President on vacation after the elections is a magazine cover? And it's on the Washingtonian! I expect these shenanigans from People, not Washingtonian Magazine.

The celebrity worship of our President and his family (and the dog) must stop.

Pretty soon, we'll be seeing this headline in the tabloids:
Barack and Michelle: Trying for another baby!

Let the bumpwatch begin.

***************************
In other happier news, Bilbo from Bilbo's Random Thought Collection recently awarded me with the Blog Friendship Award!

I'm incredibly honored that Bilbo picked me for this distinction. If you haven't checked out his blog, you definitely should. His writing is excellent with just the right touch of snark. And he has this lovely feature called Cartoon Saturdays that is always good for a few chuckles. Plus, I've had the pleasure of meeting Bilbo in real life and he's extremely personable and funny. So, thanks, Bilbo! And, blog peeps, go read his blog!!!

The best thing about this award is that I get to give it to five other bloggers! Woot Woot.

Before I do, here is a description of the award:
"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to five bloggers who must choose five more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

Without further ado, here are five bloggers who I feel are worthy of this distinction:

Instatick from Questionable Rationale--I love her blog, she definitely speaks from the heart. We have such similar opinions that I think we share a brain. Plus, her doggie, Sadie, is the cutest!

Lexiloo from Tea and Crumpets--Lexiloo does an excellent job of engaging her readers in her blog which makes me want to come back and read more. Ha! I just said 'engaging.' Lexi and I have bonded over our mutual desire to get engaged to our significant others who may or may not be picking up on our signals. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you too, Lexi!

Zandria from, well, Zandria--I've met Zandria in real life and I have to say that she is just as pleasant in person as she is on her blog. Plus, she often follows up on my comments via email, which just makes her even more personable!

Mad from Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie--While I've never met Mad, he has been gracious enough to help me out with some things in real life despite not really knowing me. He may be ultra snarky but his blog signature ("Don't forget the homeless") and his actions indicate that he really is a nice guy after all.

Zipcode from Capitol Hill 20210--Zip has no problem speaking her mind and bearing it all on her blog. It's kinda cool to read someone's blog long enough to witness that blogger going through a personal journey of self-discovery. Her frankness is refreshing to say the least.

Well, there ya have it. Please go visit these awesome bloggers!

weirdest consequence of the patriot act EVER

Jesse went to last night’s Nationals game (by the way, it figures that the one game I decide not to go to is the one game they happen to win) and had an interesting conversation with one of the concession stand employees.

It went a little something like this:

Jesse ordered a bottle of water. Concession stand employee (CSE) takes the payment and then gives Jesse the bottle. Jesse pauses.

Jesse: Um, aren’t you supposed to take the bottle cap off?

CSE: Oh. Oh yeah.

CSE takes the bottle back and removes cap.

Jesse: Hey, why do you take the bottle caps anyway?

CSE (with a straight face): Man, it’s because of the Patriot Act. You see, people make missiles and bombs with these things.

Jesse (confused): Huh. Ok.

Later, after Jesse tells me his story I tell him that I’m pretty sure they take the caps off of bottles at sporting events because throwing a bottle full of liquid at someone would hurt way more than throwing an empty plastic bottle at someone.

But what do I know?  It's not like I'm some undercover employee for DHS working a night job at Nationals Stadium.

and a happy teabagging day to you too

Today is tax day! My taxes are done (federal) and done (VA) and for the first time in years, I'm getting some moola back  Woo hoo!

Anyhoo, all over the country, people will be staging tea parties (you know, like the Boston Tea Party of yore) and sending tea bags to the White House and Congress (aka, thanks to Faux News, as Teabagging). Apparently, people are sick of being taxed and paying for things they feel they shouldn't be paying for...like bailing out banks. They are also taking this opportunity to hate on Obama for his economic policies (have I mentioned that the bank bailouts started under Bush? did people forget that?) and using their money to expand *GASP* unemployment benefits and *GASP* medicare.

I'm all for free speech so I'm not going to knock this movement (I will question the people behind it, though). However, I am suspect of any movement promoted by Faux News*. Aren't they all fair and balanced? Why the hell is a 'news network' endorsing and promoting a movement, especially one titled the Teabagging Movement?

Conservatives are in on the joke, right?

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

What is even more ironic than the name of the movement is the fact that the Teabagging Movement is being promoted and funded by Freedom Works and Americans for Prosperity. Quick google searches reveal that "While working to promote Social Security privatization, Freedom Works was caught planting one of its operatives as a "single mom" to ask questions to President Bush in a town hall on the subject. Last year, the Wall Street Journal exposed Freedom Works for similarly building "amateur-looking" websites to promote the lobbying interests of Dick Armey." Freedom Works is not the only suspect. According to Think Progress, "Americans for Prosperity is run by Tim Phillips, [a] former partner in the lobbying firm Century Strategies. The group is funded by Koch family foundations -- a family whose wealth is derived from the oil industry. Indeed Americans for Prosperity has coordinated pro-drilling 'grassroots' events around the country."

Privatizing Social Security? Promoting unnecessary drilling? Um, no thanks.

The funny thing is that the Teabagging Movement believes that we are Taxed Enough Already (hence, TEA). However, 95% of Americans will receive a tax cut in the next year if the upcoming Obama budget passes. Only Americans with incomes above $250,000 will receive a tax increase. You know, like those fat cat leaders of Freedom Works and Americans for Progress. Of course they don't want to pay higher taxes! Screw the middle and lower class! In fact, why don't they just trick the lower and middle classes into promoting their agenda...

If that's the case, I'd say that Freedom Works and Americans for Prosperity have done their job.

*I will stop bagging on Faux News the day they accept they are not fair and balanced.

is l.a. the best city in the world?

Yesterday morning, I flew to California for a work-related trip (and staying with my family for a couple of days). I flew direct to LAX. A few minutes before we touched down, the flight attendents announced that all electronic devices needed to be turned off for the remainder of the flight. Reluctantly, I turned off my iPod and became aware of a conversation going on behind me. Two 20-something guys were talking about the stuff they planned to do while in LA.


I started flipping through a magazine to help pass the time until I heard one of the guys say, "Dude, LA is the best city in the world."

OMG. Seriously?

I know I am quite West-Coast-centric. However, there is no way that LA is the best city in the world. It most certainly isn't the best city in the U.S. And I feel like I should know. I lived in LA for four years and, before that, lived in Orange County which is about an hour away. I think I know LA. And there is no way that LA is the best city in the world.

LA is quite the sprawling little mess. The traffic is horrific. You can't get around without a car. The beaches are ok (BTW, I think Venice Beach is the worst beach I've ever been to). Of all the major hangouts in the LA area, the major draw for about 95% of them is shopping (not that there's anything wrong with that--but, mentally, I need more than that). Oh...and the air quality! You can actually see what you're breathing.

LA is not all evil. The club/bar scene is awesome (although not for me anymore). Yes, the shopping is fantastic if that's your thing (well, it's my thing). I LOVE the diversity of the city. But, no, LA is not the best city in the world.

My international travel experience has been minimal at best. However, I've travelled the country a lot and been to quite a few major cities. I could think of a couple of U.S. cities off the top of my head that are better than LA--New York and San Francisco immediately come to mind.

I'd love to know what you think. Have you been to LA? Did you love it? What is the best city you've been to and why?

how to make sure you don't get hired

I'm still in the middle of filling the vacant position on my team. As I had previously mentioned, I had a ton of candidates apply and it took a while to go through all of those applications.

I've done many interviews, most of them over the phone (the last phase is a panel interview and only a handful of candidates get to this point). The phone interviews have been interesting...

Before I asked a question, one candidate asked me "How much does this job pay?" even though the salary range is in the job description. When I told her, she said, "Nuh-uh, that's not enough for me." Click.

Another candidate told me that he wanted to work with clients who weren't challenging. Ummm...we work with addicts at risk for HIV (although it is incredibly rewarding work, it is almost always challenging). Clearly people aren't reading the job description.

One candidate spent most of the phone interview trashing her current employer. Not only was that unprofessional, but unfortunately for her, it is an agency we work with all the time.

When I asked another candidate what her greatest strength was, she replied, "Well, as you can see on my resume, I don't like to be at a job for more than a year because I get bored and I think that gives me lots of variety." At that point, I understood why she hadn't dated her work experience on her 4 page resume.

Don't think that the candidates who made it to the panel interview were all angels though.

One of the candidates didn't even show up for his interview. Eh. It happens. I get that people are looking for jobs out there and will take the first one offered. However, before burning a bridge, wouldn't it have been mature of him to just call and let us know?

This one totally took the cake though. Another candidate, on being asked about her experiences working with the Latino community, said "there's friction between Latin Americans and Central Americans and everyone knows that Latin Americans are better."

Ummm...my parents are from Mexico. It's best to avoid insulting the interviewer who could be your future boss. (By the way, much more was said about this topic that was more insulting than the above statement.)

I can't wait to fill this position. And for the sake of sanity, I do hope it's sooner rather than later.

dc councilwoman wants to leave city in the dark, let crime run rampant

So, I'm sitting in the chair of doom at the dentist this morning and I'm trying SO hard to pay attention to the TV screen on the wall so I could ignore the pain I'm feeling. Fortunately for me, not long after my dentist started doing her thing, the following story was being reported on ABC 7:

D.C. Councilwoman Introduces Legislation to Dim Street Lights

Before I rushed to judgment, I just wanted to know what this was all about. Apparently, it's about "the view of the natural beauty of the night sky". And maybe the environment. Oh and don't forget the cost savings.

Councilwoman Cheh, with all due respect, should you really be thinking about how you can't see the stars at night when you're a DC resident?  I love Earth and I hope it exists for a long time, but there are a bunch of other things you should be creating effective legislation for. You know, like the homelessness problem we have or the HIV epidemic or THE CRIME. Crime will increase if the lights are dimmed or whatever ridiculous thing you want to do them.

Here's the thing. I'm not be a city resident, but I work here. And that man who was shot in Columbia Heights recently was shot at 7:30 pm, shortly after they stopped turning on the 'light towers' that were put in place after the last shooting. You know what time I leave work? 8 PM (3 days out of the week). Where do I work? Columbia Heights. So those light towers that actually really lit up the intersection where all of this crime is happening? They were useful. Light = less crime.

If you want to see stars, move to Virginia. They are lovely out there.

the octuplets mom and bleeding the beast*

By now, I'm sure all of you have heard about Nadya Suleman, the single mom in California who gave birth to octoplets via fertility treatments despite not having a job, already having 6 kids, and living with her parents who had filed for bankruptcy due to the cost of caring for Suleman's previous 6 children. As a pro-choicer, I have had a hard time figuring out just how I feel about this issue because, at present, I am still feeling a whole lot of emotions, some of them conflicting.

Essentially, because I believe in a woman's right to choose whatever she wants to do with her own body, I should probably not be angry, sad, strangely sympathetic, dismayed, or concerned about Suleman's life choices. After all, she was free to make that choice and I need to respect that.

However, something doesn't feel right here.

The more I see and read about this story, the more perturbed and concerned I become.

There's the whole conflict between Suleman and her mother that is playing itself out in the media.

There's the previous 6 children, 3 of whom are special needs children, including one child who is autistic.

There's the reaping of disability payments for being injured on the job and using those payments for IVF and (apparently) cosmetic procedures rather than using the payments to help her parents pay the bills.

There's Suleman telling anyone who will listen that her family life sucked when she was younger and that's why she had the babies yet her mom is supporting her and the kids and her dad had to go back to Iraq to support all of them.

There's the mom who admits that clearly her daughter has a problem, but apparently it took 14 children to ask for an intervention.

There's the delusion that Suleman will be able to afford all of her kids once she gets her degree in counseling (as a manager of several counselors, I can tell you that they don't make enough to care for 2 kids, let alone 14).

There's Suleman telling Ann Curry that she has no income besides disability payments for her special needs kids and that she had previously used student loans to care for her family.

There's someone putting up a fancy website for Suleman and her family (although only the octuplets are featured; there is no mention of the previous 6 children), requesting donations.

But what upsets me the most is that this woman clearly has no means of supporting her 14 children, especially when she had no means to support the previous 6 (besides student loans and entitlements). Why should the children suffer for her shortsightedness? Meanwhile, every day, people are getting laid off from work, some of whom were at their jobs for many, many years and, all of a sudden, they are out of work. The state of California is in a budget crisis and the taxpayers will probably foot most of the Suleman's bills (whether it be Medical or food stamps or welfare). And all of this because a woman, who had been an only child, wanted to have a large family?

She put her life at risk because of this pregnancy but she had to do it. Nevermind that she already had 6 kids and their lives would be forever changed if something horrible happened to Suleman. She put her kids at risk by going through with the pregnancy and not selectively reducing the number of babies. By not reducing, she increased the chances that her children will have some developmental issues or special needs. Nevermind that she already has 3 kids with special needs. Nevermind the cost of caring for special needs children.

I feel sorry for her but I feel even worse for the children. To her, they are simply a means to an end. What is that end? I'm not sure. Feeling loved by a large family no matter the cost? Living off the kindness of strangers or the taxpayers of California? Becoming Angelina Jolie (the resemblance is uncanny post-cosmetic procedures)? Becoming famous? Who knows?



*"Bleeding the beast": a FLDS concept of inventing ways to access state and federal dollars